Pig in the Kitchen

Gluten free, vegan recipes from the archives

2012-01-02T09:45:00.003+01:00

January. Month of vague depression, thick waistline and oh so many good intentions.

I am not normally a fan of January. Usually I manage to eat even more in the first month of the year than I do in December, which is pretty remarkable and probably qualifies for a Guinness World Record.

This year? I am brimming with hope and excitement which is a bit bizarre because we are about to get involved in one of Life's Most Stressful Events. We are moving house for the second time in six months.

Yes, it will be hellish for a few weeks and my dust mite allergy will go into overdrive giving me an unseasonal Rudolph nose.

Yes, I will be unpacking boxes in the small hours feeling genuine hatred for all other family members who are asleep.

And yes, there will be wrangles with Mr Internet Service Provider and I will be offline and cursing.

But January will disappear in a haze of trips to the tip and when my feet next touch the ground it will be February, which is almost March and then it's nearly time to start drinking rosé because it's practically Summer! So that's exciting, isn't it?

But in this maelstrom of activity, I have not forgotten you lovely readers. I have composed this little montage of archive recipes to get you through your gloomy January. It's also my way of saying I may not be posting a new recipe for a while...

Happy Gluten Free, Vegan New Year to you all!

Time to detox? Let's start with soup:

Tomato Soup and ballet on a Saturday...

Or perhaps mushroom soup?

Mushroom soup and the truth about sleepovers...

Then when soup just isn't hitting the mark, let's stay healthy with lentil salad:

Lentil Salad & an over-competitive mother...

Umm, I like lentils as much as the next girl, but shall we have some rice now?

Rice salad, the secret to driving in Paris and picnics...

Ok, let's stop pretending. In January we need cake:

Gingerbread with Lemon Icing and cultural tolerance (sort of)...

But then after cake we feel guilt because, well, we made all those resolutions, right? Staying on task with roasted veg:

Roasted tomatoes with rosemary and why hangovers serve a purpose...

And Vegetable Chilli always makes me feel smug:

Vegetable Chilli and why January is crap...

Oh but brownies are sort of obligatory after chilli aren't they? And doesn't the clementine cancel out the chocolate?

Chocolate & Clementine Brownies and how PMS messes with the mind...

And now I'm just going to cut to the chase and say that the real way to survive January is through carbs. There, it's out there. Enjoy!

Warm, spiced Apple Cake and the benefits of Twitter...

Let the carbs begin at breakfast:

How the Banana Pancake was invented (maybe)...

Beans are healthy. Bean burgers in a gluten free bun? Yep, I think they qualify as healthy...

Bean Burgers and my vegetarian guilt...

You scream, I scream, we all scream for:

Dairy free, egg free Chocolate Ice Cream and cave men. Stay with me...

Is it still January?

Dairy free Rice Pudding and the horrors of Christmas...

Raisin Bread!

Gluten free Raisin Bread, dead chickens, mice, dog with hole in throat. Just regular stuff...

And sod being 'good'. Let's have a proper pudding instead:

Sticky Toffee Pudding and how a steam cleaner can be used to kill ants...

Until the next egg free, dairy free, gluten free fest my darlings!

Pig xx

© Pig in the Kitchen All Rights Reserved

Chocolate Marshmallows (vegan, gluten free, dairy free, egg free)

2011-12-18T20:36:00.002+01:00

Not your typical snowman shape, I'll give you that

Before Children I had big plans for Christmas. My offspring were going to be dressed in crimson coats with black Victorian boots. December would mainly see us ice-skating with rosy cheeks and white fur muffs (steady), our faces lit by twinkling fairy lights. Yes, I’d fallen hook, line and sinker for those whimsical Christmas card scenes.

Somewhere during the shambolic (ok, drunken) Christmases of Since Children, my standards have slipped. But apparently that’s OK because this year – the most disorganised one to date – the kids have been listing the family traditions that they love so much. Predictably, the festive bits they love are either not of my making or have been born of necessity.

The first tradition is the Christmas CD. When the kids were young, we played those ghastly children’s music CDs in the car. I drew the line on December 1^st, deciding that the festive month should not be killed by terrible music. And so the strains of Fairytale of New York and Stevie Nicks warbling ‘Silent Night’ are Christmas classics played on a loop from December 1^st.

The kids love these songs. Two of the girls were dancing to Fairytale of New York the other evening and it was a heart-warming sight. Although I did gulp a little when the six-year-old belted out:

‘You scumbag, you maggot/ you cheap lousy faggot/

Merry Christmas you arse/ I pray God it’s our last.’

Festive prettiness. Who cares if you haven't sent any cards?

Another tradition is festive child-labour. Because I’m so last-minute, the kids have to peel potatoes and sprouts, decorate the Christmas cake and make mince pies. Oh and rustle up a chocolate log if I haven’t done it. Apparently as long as said festive music is playing, they love it.

Rule number 1 for Christmas morning? You may not wake us before 7am. So when the kids wake at silly o’clock they creep into eldest sister’s room (I’m sure she has insomnia) where they are allowed to open one present. And then they wait. It sounds a bit boring to me, but apparently they love it.

There are other Christmas traditions in our house. Like the one where I think champagne for breakfast is a good idea and lunch doesn’t get served until 4pm. Not a problem because their Dad says they can fill up on chocolate. What’s not to love?

So this Christmas, my message to you is relax, because it will all get done in the end. Have a go at making chocolate marshmallows why don’t you? There’s plenty of time, because life will all come together when you are looking the other way.

And remember; the Christmas card idyll is lies, damned lies.

Mallow Christmas! God, I'm so funny.

Chocolate Marshmallows

After all the build-up, you're thinking that I'm about to deliver a complicated, secret recipe where I tell you how to make the marshmallows, right? Umm, no. I'm using the term 'recipe' loosely when really I should be saying 'technique'. Or even 'thing' might cover it because it certainly ain't cooking. My peculiarly-shaped snowman is made with vegan marshmallows from Sweet Vegan and the other ones pictured are gelatinous mallows which my children love. And I do point out that they contain dead animal but I get the 'yeah, whatever' treatment. Sigh.

You will need:

Marshmallows, gelatine-filled or vegan

Lollipop sticks

100g-200g Dairy free dark chocolate (how much you need depends on how many marshmallows you want to make)

Dairy free white chocolate for 'snow'

Pretty, gluten free and wheat free decorations (Carnival Sprinkelz are good)

Oasis for holding the lollipop sticks, or a potato with holes in will do, explanation to follow

A word of caution: the vegan marshmallow are quite flimsy and have trouble staying on the lollipop sticks; they tend to slide down them which is pretty disheartening. Oh but I've just remembered, I did some melted chocolate trickery, so let's get back to the recipe! (Sorry, it's Christmas and I've had a festive tipple.)

To hold the lollipop sticks you will need either oasis, (available online or from a florists) or a few potatoes which you cut in half and then make holes in them with a skewer into which you will insert your lollipop stick. Really hoping that explanation is crystal clear...piginthekitchen@hotmail.com if it isn't
Melt the chocolate in a bain marie over a gentle heat. Take a marshmallow - vegan or non - and use a skewer to make a small incision in the base. Then drip in a drop of melted chocolate and insert the lollipop stick (heavens! this sounds rude!) into the crevice. Put the lollipop stick in the oasis or potato and leave to set while you continue with stick insertion with the other marshmallows ('Sentences you never thought you'd write.')
If the chocolate in the bain marie has solidified, gently re-heat. Then holding the marshmallow (on a stick) over the chocolate, ladle chocolate over until the marshmallow is covered. Let excess choc drip into the bain marie, then put the mallow on the stick into the oasis/potato to dry. Repeat until the marshmallows are covered
When the chocolate on the marshmallows has set slightly, add pretty sprinkles/decorations. Leave until chocolate has set completely. Serve and sing Christmas carols if you wish
To make the snowman. The picture says it all but I'll do my best to explain.
Coat two marshmallows in chocolate and squidge them on top of each other. Put them on a plate and leave until the chocolate is almost set, then grate white (vegan) chocolate over
Stick the silver eyes on using melted chocolate. Use the end of a cocktail stick to drip some choc onto his tummy to make buttons and give him a chocolate smile. Broken cocktail sticks make good 'arms'
Voila! Merry Christmas

Chocolate Marshmallows (vegan, gluten free, dairy free, egg free)

2011-12-07T14:36:00.000+01:00

Coming soon...

This new - ahem - 'recipe' which will buy me some time so that I can either write a new recipe, or do that 'oh gosh, look it's nearly Christmas, see you in the new year' thing.

Back soon.

Only 18 sleeps 'til Christmas!!

German Friendship Cake - 'Herman' (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-11-23T22:47:00.001+01:00

The principle of a Herman/Friendship Cake is that you start with a big batch of sourdough/yeast enriched ‘starter’ and you ‘grow’ it for nine days, ‘feeding’ it twice during the nine days. On the ninth day you split your batch of dough into four portions, you give three away and you keep the fourth part. You feed a final batch of ingredients to your remaining portion, bake it all up and tuck in.

I like the idea. It’s an edible chain letter with assertions in the instructions to keep Herman ‘alive’ or he will ‘die’. Do you get the implied threat in those words? ‘Do this or you will be guilty of cake murder.’

I don’t want to be guilty of cakeicide (you heard it here first) but when it comes to allergy-friendly Herman, how many Coeliacs or people with allergies do you know who live nearby? How much are your non-allergic friends going to love you if you:

hand them a tub of yucky stuff (Herman is pretty unattractive in his embryonic form)
tell them they have to leave it festering on the side for 10 days
‘oh and I almost forgot’ you’ll need some gluten free flour, a packet of egg-replacer, a bit of xanthan gum and some rice milk (preferably calcium-enriched)

So here’s my plan. Yes, I will give you the quantities to make a huge batch of Herman so that you may split him into four parts and give him away. (Disclaimer: I’m currently growing my second batch of Herman which was an offshoot of the first batch – keep up – and so I don’t know if the gluten free flour will perform for the second time. Update soon...)

But I will also give you the quantities for growing a smaller Herman and then baking the whole thing. I’ll put the quantities for the small Herman in brackets. You could even quarter the ingredients and you would still end up with a very large Herman. Hope that’s clear! Here goes:

Hold the front page: After making the GF Herman (pictured above) I split the mix again to try and 'grow' another Herman. It could be that I'm a flake with a weak stomach, but after day four of the second batch, I gave it up and consigned Herman to the deep. The yeast was no longer doing its thing, it looked revolting and I just couldn't go through with it. 'Hi, my name is Pig and I'm guilty of gluten free, egg free Cakeicide...'

Guten Tag, mein name is Herman. I am a sour dough cake and I'm supposed to live on the worktop for 10 days without a lid. You cannot put me in a fridge or I will die! Mein Gott! Und andere bedeutungslose zufällige Wörter in Deutsch! Do not let me stop bubbling or I will die!

For the starter dough:

460g (230g) Gluten and wheat free Doves Farm S.R. flour

500ml (250ml) rice milk

240g (120g) sugar

90ml (45ml) warm water

2½ (1¼ tbsps) tbsps dried yeast

Day 1: Put the warm water into a small bowl and sprinkle over the dried yeast. Leave for about 10 minutes

Measure the remaining ingredients into a VERY large bowl -bigger than a KitchenAid bowl if possible- and stir. I used a KitchenAid bowl for my starter dough and on about Day 4 the whole lot grew out of the bowl. Nice. Cover the bowl with a tea towel

Day 2: Stir well

Day 3: Stir well

Day 4: Herman is hungry! (Look, just go with it; we have to pretend he’s a real person.) ‘Feed’ him the following ingredients, stir well and cover

115g (60g) Doves Farm plain gluten free and wheat free flour
225g (115g) sugar
200ml (100ml) rice milk

Day 5: Stir well

Day 6: Stir well

Day 7: Stir well

Day 8: Stir well

Day 9: Herman is hungry again. Add the same ingredients as on day four. Divide the mixture into four portions ( I did this by ladling Herman into four different bowls) and give 3 away with instructions. Or if you have the mettle to brave another Herman, keep a portion to start another cake. Herman number four stays with you and tomorrow you will bake him.

Day 10: Herman is ravenous, he is falling through his laceholes. Stir well and add the following:

225g (115g) sugar
225g(115g) Doves Farm plain gluten free and wheat free flour
2 (1) heaped tsps of Orgran ‘no egg’ egg replacer
¼ (⅛) tsp xanthan gum
4-5 tbsps (2-3) rice milk
2 (1) heaped tsps of cinnamon
2 (1) heaped tsps of gluten free baking powder
½ (¼) tsp salt
2 (1) apples, peeled, cored and diced
150g (75g) sultanas/raisins/cranberries
approximately 100-200ml (50-100ml) rice milk; enough to make a workable mix rather than a stiff, gluey dough

Heat the oven to 170-180˚celsius
Add all the ingredients to the bowl - add the rice milk gradually - and place into a large rectangular tin (like a brownie tin). If you have too much you can put it into a round sandwich cake tin, or other small tin
Bake for 30-45 minutes until it is cooked through. If it is browning on the top but the middle is not set, cover with tin foil and reduce the heat for 10-15 minutes to give the middle time to catch up
When cold, cut into fingers. As with a lot of gluten free cakes, this is best eaten within two days (is that really such a problem?!) otherwise the surface of the cake tends to go a bit soggy
Relax and give yourself a break before you bake another Herman!

Herman Friendship Cake (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-11-21T12:45:00.000+01:00

So it IS possible to make yummy gluten free, vegan Herman Friendship Cake!

Recipe coming very soon...

Status update: Herman the friendship cake (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-11-16T08:06:00.000+01:00

If you are my friend on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, you have heard me going on (and on) about Herman.

Herman came into our lives 10 days ago when my son bounced home clutching a little tub of...sick. There’s no kinder way of putting it. A tub of bubbly sick. And then he told me we had to grow the sick for 10 days in the kitchen until it would miraculously become a beautiful cake.

The teachers are clever at his school because just an hour before the ‘we need to grow the bubbly sick’ announcement I had attended the school assembly. The teacher had served a delicious cake with cinnamon and apple. Herman! I had been fed Herman! It was a very Derren Brown moment; all smoke, mirrors and neuro-linguistic programming.

Anyhoo, we started to grow my son’s sick/cake and my allergy baking head started to whirr. It turns out Herman is well known in recipe blogland and all the reports are favourable. You ‘grow’ the cake for 10 days covered with a tea towel but on day ten you divide it into four portions and give them away. The lucky (?) recipient then grows Herman for 10 more days, gives ¾ away, etc etc. Sort of like an edible chain letter.

Of course I wanted to try a gluten free, egg free, dairy free version, but what if after 10 days of growing it didn’t work? Worse, what if it just went mouldy?

I stupidly mentioned it on Twitter and @Ruebellesmoon egged me on. ‘Do it!’ she said secretly thinking ‘Yep, you grow the sick and I’ll only give it a go if I know it works.’ She’s not just a pretty face that Ruebellesmoon.

And so I let Herman into my life. He is definitely the weirdest friend I’ve had. I had doubts about how the gluten free flour would perform, so right at the last minute I casually threw in an extra ½ tsp of yeast. Oh foolish move.

Within a day Herman grew too large for the mixing bowl. So I transferred him to my KitchenAid bowl. The next morning it was like Aliens meets the Magic Porridge Pot; he’d grown out of the bowl and dripped down onto the worktop.

It is now Day six. Herman seems to have found his rhythm and is contained but the smell of yeast is overpowering. ‘Beer!’ splutters my daughter when I do my daily Herman stir. ‘Sniff sniff sniff’ says the dog excitedly.

Only four more days to go and the tension is mounting. We’ve baked my son’s cake using wheat, eggs and milk so I know what it should taste like. Will my allergy-friendly version turn out brilliantly? Or will Herman let me down when I need him most?

By popular request on Facebook (well, one person) I did a photo shoot with Herman yesterday. He comes alive when you stir him, bubbling ferociously – it’s almost alarming – and then he calms down and is ready to grow again.

You’re right. I am talking about Herman as if he’s a person. I will be sad to see him go.

If you want to be friends on Facebook click HERE. Come say hello on Twitter HERE.

And if anyone is going to Bite ‘n’ Write on Saturday and wants a share of Herman to grow...just let me know! (I can't promise how he will turn out...)

I'm going in...

'Hesssssss' hisses Herman a la Harry Potter

'Silence Herman! Get back down!'

Peace. Until tomorrow Herman. I love you.

Pickled green chillis

2011-11-15T07:28:00.000+01:00

When life gives you a chilli...

I’m sure that in a former life I was a rabbit caught in headlights on a very busy roundabout. I know this because freezing and staring fixedly into middle distance is my default position when life gets a bit stressful.

At the moment life is a bit stressful.

In addition to the usual washing/school run/extra school run because someone forgot their lunch/extra extra school run because someone else forgot their bus pass and was refused entry (don't even get me started), there is adjusting to a new life.

Well, I say ‘new life’ as if that implies I have one. I’m currently in a sort of limbo state where I get up and keep the house and kids afloat, but then what? Creating a ‘new life’, making friends and feeling settled in the UK after five years abroad apparently does not happen overnight.

So I have reverted to my rabbit-in-headlights-on-busy-roundabout state and have checked out of doing anything meaningful. Instead I’m in random land where I might decide to tidy my playlists in iTunes or check out the latest horticultural therapy blog.

Or pickle some green chillies.

I took these chilli pics in August when I guess life was stressful because I was about to move back to the UK. I must have been feeling pretty desperate because I actually took photos of me slicing the chillis. I'm sort of amazed that I had that much time on my hands.

And last week I pickled some more chillis because life is stressful (query lonely?) now that I have moved back to the UK.

You know, pickling is really therapeutic and if you are feeling the pressure of life, it's probably time to pickle. Vegetables I mean, not your liver.

And of course life is going to pick up, it always does.

Until the next time my lovelies...

Pickled Chillis

These are a great way of livening up food, but they do need to sit for a few weeks in the jar to reduce the power of the chilli. If you eat cheese, your sandwich will love you for adding some chillies. Avocado and tomato on toast? Whack on some chillies and your lunch will be sublime. And I know I shouldn’t mention the C word, but these are very handy during the festive season for adding zing to pretty much any meal. But don’t put them on your porridge. That would be nasty.

Are you ready for the – ahem – recipe?

Wash a suitable jar. Warm it in the oven at about 170˚ Celsius for about 20 minutes. Allow to cool
Buy a load of green chillis
Buy a bottle of white, pickling vinegar
Chop chillis
Put chillis in jar
Pour vinegar over chillis
Stroke jar, smile and feel homely
Tidy iTunes list and see what the horticultural therapists have been up to
Smile J

Freddy meets Isobel - the mouse who was allergic to milk

2011-11-10T17:56:00.002+01:00

I spend a lot of time ignoring the fact that my daughter is allergic to milk, eggs, nuts, mustard, dust mites, horses and a bazillion pollens. It’s quite easy really. I make sure her food is safe, I bake cakes for her, I carry medication around and I spend a lot of time going ‘lalalalalalala.’

Why?

Because it is painful facing up to her allergies and the fact that she shows no signs of outgrowing them. Every time she can’t have something and looks sad I feel a little bit depressed.

When children shout across the playground, “You can’t have this because it’s got milk in!” I want to take them by the throat and snarl: “Do you have any idea how insensitive you are being?”

Instead I give a yummy mummy smile laced with severe thoughts that might involve voodoo dolls and waterboarding.

But although I try to ignore the allergies, I was really excited to read about Josie Warburton’s series of children’s books about food allergies. Then I wondered if they would be macabre in some way. Cartoon depictions of swollen eyes and a fairy wielding an auto-injector?

The answer is no to the swollen eyes and although an auto-injector is featured, it is called ‘magic medicine’ and looks nothing like an injector. It’s also administered by the topless Mermaid Doctor who is actually pretty hot if you can get past his tail. I would not mind at all if he showed up in an emergency.

I am digressing.

Josie kindly sent me a copy of ‘Freddy meets Isobel – The mouse who was allergic to milk’. It tells the story of Freddy and Isobel going to the beach for the day and after an incident involving a mermaid – I won’t give away the plot – Isobel suffers an anaphylactic reaction and the Mermaid Doctor (fwoor!) is called. There is no mention of anaphylaxis, but the story explains Isobel’s symptoms and thanks to the quick-thinking of both Freddy and the Mermaid, disaster is averted.

I had every intention of sitting down with my six-year-old and reading the story to her. Instead as soon as I showed her the book she grabbed it and ran off to read it. She came back looking very thoughtful.

“What do you think?” I asked.

She smiled, “It made me feel happy because I’m not the only one with allergies.”

She then spent the next hour making a poster that showed Freddy and Isobel and we read the story again at bedtime.

The following day she took the book to school and the teacher read it to her class. Her classmates then asked questions about her allergies and the teacher felt it was a really useful discussion which allowed the children to discuss allergies in a natural, positive way. My daughter was thrilled with all the attention and the opportunity to speak about her allergies and how they affect her.

And since then?

All I’ve heard is:

“Mummy, when can you buy me ‘Freddy meets Ginger – The fox who was allergic to eggs?”

“Mummy, have you ordered the Freddy book yet?”

“Mummy, have you done it yet? I really want the other Freddy book.”

Thanks for that Josie.

I love Josie’s book and how special it made my daughter feel. I love that it is another step to raising allergy awareness and that it presents allergies as serious, yet manageable. The book is a brilliant way for parents and teachers to talk openly about what it means to be allergic in a non-threatening, playful way.

Stellar work Josie!

The book is available through Amazon.co.uk or via Josie's site: www.freddythemouse.com where international postage is available. Josie has also written Freddy adventures that cover nut allergies, fish allergies and flying with allergies.

Do you want Josie to write another one? Contact her with your ideas via www.freddythemouse.com

Christmas Cake (Vegan, Gluten Free)

2011-11-08T12:27:00.000+01:00

I'm going to cut right to the chase. None of my usual wordy flannel, no fancy metaphors and I won't even swear.

Although some might say that Christmas is a seasonal swear word so does that negate the 'I will not swear' thing?

So - with absolutely no sugar-coating - here goes. It is high time we made our Christmas cakes. And yes I am talking to you Pig in the Kitchen as well as all you lovely followers. Some might say we are already too late.

Shall we just get on with it now and then it's done? I'm already not ready for Christmas. Groan.

Click HERE for the recipe.

Go on, you know it makes sense.

Parkin (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-11-03T17:41:00.004+01:00

I went to university in Bradford.

Ah, your mind has gone to a bad place hasn’t it? You’re thinking ‘hotbed of Islamic fundamentalists’ and ‘race riots’. Well, maybe sort of yes. But four years in Bradford was good for an innocent southerner...

In my second year we had a power cut so we dashed to the shambolic corner shop for candles. It was quite a surprise to hear chickens screeching followed by a dull thud and then silence. Oh look, how – err – cultural. The man is killing chickens in the corner shop and that cleaver is looking none too clean! No wonder it stinks in here and that’s why the cat is prowling around. But hey, who am I to judge? If it’s good enough for Islamabad...

Throughout October and November there were nightly explosions. Mostly they were fireworks in celebration of first Diwali and then Bonfire Night. But one night we heard an enormous bang and the kitchen glowed orange.

“Wow!” gasped Rachel, “That was a massive firework!” “Nope” said Muna looking out of the window, “They’ve set a car on fire by our gate.” We rolled our eyes and got back to the washing up. It was just another Diwali/Guy Fawkes November night in Bradford.

There was never any need to go to a firework display because fireworks were being launched from every terraced house on our road. The trick was not to get hit by one on the way back from lectures.

But although it was a bit rough Bradford holds a special place in my heart. After all, if it weren’t for Bradford, I wouldn’t know the meaning of good curry.

Curry is to Bradford students what formal hall and gowns are to those ‘up’ at Oxbridge; a hallowed tradition. For the ‘Bradfodian’ (you heard it here first) this meant regularly winding up pissed in a curry house in the early hours after the student nightclub.

It meant cheering when the thick, spicy broth arrived and scooping it up with soft, doughy chapattis. It meant lots of Tiger beer. It also meant waking up with a garlic-breath hangover, fingernails stained with cumin and a doggy bag on the bedside table bathing you in pungent fumes of congealed ghee.

Curry was the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. Forever and ever, Amen.

Ah but I miss those days when I could handle my drink, dance ‘till the early hours at Club Rio Campus and top it all off with a dopiaza.

Every bonfire night I think fondly of Bradford, curry, the burning car and the time some youf drove onto the pavement trying to kill a group of my friends. It IS grim up North, but curry is the redeeming factor and at least they know how to make Bonfire Night go with a bang.

I hope you have a wonderful bonfire night. If you can’t get to Bradford for curry, why not make some Parkin instead?!

Parkin

Parkin means oats and for so long oats were a no-no for those with Coeliac disease because of cross-contamination. Now there are a range of GF oats available (see here). However there was a recall of certain brands of oats in the UK recently, please check HERE for details.

Non-GF recipes for Parkin state confidently that it gets better the longer you leave it and don't cut it for 'at least' a week. As you might suspect, GF flour doesn't act in the same way as wheat flour. I made a batch on Monday and today (Thursday) it is past its best. So this means: make it then eat it, Yay!

All versions need:

1 tbsp ground ginger (I added more :-)

a big pinch of salt

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

1 tsp mixed spice

1 tsp cinnamon

100g dark muscovado sugar

175g golden syrup

175g black treacle

125g dairy free margarine/butter

a few twists of black pepper (optional) = ½ tsp

approximately 100ml of milk/rice milk/soya milk/coconut milk/etc

Gluten free:

225g of Doves Farm Gluten Free self-raising flour

200g gluten free oats (I used Bob's Red Mill GF oats from Waitrose. I had to grind them because they were very big. For other GF oats see here)

Egg free:

1 heaped tsp Orgran 'no egg' egg replacer

2 tbsps of ground linseeds

1 mashed banana

a big pinch of guar gum or xanthan gum

6 tbsps rice milk

With eggs:

Use 1 beaten egg in place of the above egg-replacing mix

With wheat flour:

Use 225g of plain wheat flour

Grease and line a 20cm square tin
Pre-heat the oven to 170˚ Celsius
If using the egg-replacing mix, put all the ingredients into a bowl and use a mini whisk to get it really smooth. Set aside
In a large mixing bowl put the oats, gluten free flour/wheat flour, bicarbonate of soda, ground ginger, mixed spice, cinnamon, salt and the black pepper if using
In a medium saucepan melt the dairy free margarine, treacle, golden syrup and sugar
Pour the syrupy mix into the flour mix and stir. Add the beaten egg or egg replacing mix and mix until smooth
Add about 50ml of 'milk' and stir it in. How does it seem? You are aiming for quite a sloppy mix because the oats and the GF flour will absorb liquid during baking. So add as much as you see fit. If using wheat flour you can reduce the liquid slightly. If it ends up quite squidgy after cooking, it's not the end of the world, Parkin can get away with squidge
Bake for about 45 minutes, lowering the temperature if need be to ensure that the middle cooks but the top doesn't brown
When the parkin has risen and an inserted skewer comes out clean, remove from the oven and leave to cool in the tin. When completely cool remove from the tin and slice into squares
Now grab your woolly hat and sparklers; it's time to act like a five-year-old again! (Note: if you're in Bradford, watch out for stray fireworks and blazing cars.)

Parkin (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-11-02T15:50:00.001+01:00

Coming soon, screeching in just ahead of the November 5th deadline...my Parkin recipe.

Prefaced by a little ditty about studying in Bradford and why cars on fire outside the kitchen window were just a regular evening occurrence in November.

Bet you can't wait, can you?!

I love Bonfire Night!

Pig x

Halloween Cake Bites (gluten free, vegan)

2011-10-26T23:03:00.002+02:00

Halloween and I don’t get on because it involves people knocking repeatedly at my door. I am fairly welcoming, but only by appointment. People dropping by unannounced give me hives.

When we lived in London I almost never answered my doorbell. It was London. It could only be a murderer or rapist at my door, or worse, one of those tedious people conducting a Mori poll. I only made that mistake once and forced the guy to do the survey on the doorstep. I couldn’t let him in because of the London-murderer-rapist thing.

Then we moved to the suburbs and it was worse. Neighbours actually wanted to speak to us and appeared willy nilly at my door.

It all reached a peak one Halloween night. Kids in rubbish costumes came and chanted “Trick or Treat” in a bored, lacklustre way. It was only because their anxious Mums were loitering at the end of my drive that I didn’t make them do it all over again and this time with feeling.

By the third or fourth round of kids, it was getting late and I had reached my limit. So had my son who had done a spectacular crap in his nappy and needed to be in bed. I opted for changing him in the hall and my poppet started his usual nappy change routine of full throttle screaming and kicking.

Right in the middle of it, the doorbell started to ring. My daughters pranced around in crazed excitement, “Ooo Mummy! Answer the door! Give them sweets!” My son screamed repeatedly, kicking and splattering shit everywhere.

And still the door kept coming.

Up to my elbows in child dung, I looked up from the nappy and gave the primal scream of a woman giving birth to triplets in breech position.

“GOOO AWWAAAYYYY!!! I WILL NOT OPEN THE DOOORRRRRRR!” I held the final note for a long, satisfying time, until my voice cracked.

Silence.

I waited for the dog turd to come through my letter box or the brick to shatter my window. Nothing. These Trick or Treaters are all face paint and no action.

And miraculously the doorbell did not ring again. For years.

This Halloween will of course be different. We have just moved to a teeny village and I’m all jazz hands and smiles with the neighbours. Although I did decline an invitation to a two course lunch with the vicar.

So I will open the door and hand out sweeties. I’m really hoping the costumes have gone up a gear now that we are importing cheap tat from Bangladesh.

And if I’m feeling generous, I may hand over one of these Halloween Cake Bites. But I suspect I shall keep them all for me. I will need something to help me recover after hours of smiling fixedly while crappy kids repeatedly ring my arsing doorbell.

Happy Halloween to you all.

Halloween Cake Bites

These are riffing off my Christmas cake bites, you can see how the inside looks by clicking here.

All versions will need:

130g dairy free spread/margarine

120g sugar

110g golden syrup or honey

60g GF, DF cocoa powder

150 ml rice milk / dairy milk (for GF versions, remember liquid measurements are approximate. Always add liquid gradually, using more or less as you see fit)

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

GF version:

50g cornflour
100g brown rice flour

25g buckwheat/quinoa/tapioca flour
¾ tsp xanthan gum

1½ tsp GF baking powder

Egg version / Egg free version

1 egg OR:

1 heaped tsp of Orgran no egg Egg Replacer

1 heaped tbsp ground linseeds

⅛ tsp xanthan gum (that’s half a ¼ if you’re as thick as me...)

2 tbsps vegetable oil

4 tbsps rice milk/dairy milk/

To make these with wheat flour:

Use 175g wholemeal, self-raising flour

To bind the cake balls:

3-4 tbsps gluten free apple sauce (a GF apple sauce for weaning babies would do)

(If you can’t find a jar of apple sauce, use 2 eating apples, 2-3 tbsps sugar, squeeze of lemon juice. Peel, core, chop apples and put them in a saucepan, add sugar, lemon juice and a tbsp of water. Cover and simmer until apple is cooked. Blend with a hand blender, add a tsp of cornflour to bind it all together, blend again to remove any lumps)

To coat:

Sugarpaste in halloween colours

• For egg free versions: mix the Orgran no egg powder, ground linseeds, xanthan gum, oil and rice milk together using a mini whisk. Set aside

• Grease and line two 18cm sandwich tins with baking parchment

• Pre-heat oven to 170˚celsius

• Put the fat and sugar into a large mixing bowl and beat together
• Add either the egg or the egg replacing mixture and beat again

• Add the flour (GF or wheat), baking powder, xanthan gum (GF versions) and cocoa powder to the bowl and beat until incorporated

• Mix the bicarbonate of soda with the warmed 150ml of rice milk/dairy milk and gradually stir in to the mixture. For GF versions you may need to add more milk to get a soft, dropping consistency

• Divide the mixture evenly between the two cake tins and bake for about 20-25 minutes until risen and springy. Remove and leave to cool completely

• When the cakes are cool, crumble them into a large mixing bowl. Add the apple sauce and combine until you are able to squidge the mixture into balls, you may need more apple sauce

• Lovingly roll little balls of cake in your hands and set them onto a baking tray lined with baking parchment. Repeat until all the mixture is used up. Place the baking tray in the fridge for up to four hours

Roll out your sugarpaste and decorate your cake balls. As you can see, not much skill is involved and you can pretty much do what you want. For the ghosts I covered their nether regions with a small circle of sugarpaste, then laid a 'cloak' of icing over the top and squidged it all together. It does help to have some confectioner's glue to stick eyes, hats and noses, etc. At a pinch you might get away with apricot jam

If you make a real mess of it all, don't worry, the kids will love them (these ghosts were demolished within minutes of the photo shoot) and once you've eaten one and got the sugar rush, well you really won't care

Good luck, with the decorating and Halloween...

Halloween Cake Bites (gluten free, vegan)

2011-10-23T22:33:00.002+02:00

Woooohhoooo!

Are you scared?

These are coming soon.

Mwah haa haa haaaa.

Creeeeaaaakkkk (that was a ghostly door being pushed open slowly. And creaking.)

Gluten free and vegan Teabread

2011-10-18T22:38:00.002+02:00

My dear friend Katia recently asked me which drugs I am on. It turns out she was referring to my manic demeanour and inability to relax.

Although I’m not pin thin and twitchy à la overactive thyroid, inside my head it buzzes and I’m not too good at sitting still. Which is why I was baking a cake for Katia after going for a walk in the woods with six kids and just before I cooked a vegetable chilli over the fire in a pot.

In my defence I’m much better than I used to be, because when I had three kids under the age of three and a half, I still thought I could be a lovely Mummy. Oh novice error.

One memorable morning I think there was painting with sunflower pollen and blackberry juice. Does that make you want to vomit? And one year I made my Christmas decorations. To avoid the housework there were outings to the beach, the park, the zoo, the playground...

Be. Quiet. White. Noise.

I’m wiser now because I know that benign neglect is the way forward. If my fourth child wants to paint with blackberry juice, well she knows where the bush is.

But one thing I learnt from the ‘Crazy Years’ is the art of making cake on the hoof and sort of in my sleep. Impressive, no?

Teabread is the manic mum’s best friend. Weigh the ingredients the night before, let the fruit soak in tea overnight and if you get up at 5am you can have it baked in time for the school run. I should call it Mental Manic Teabread. And very good it is too with a slick of vegan margarine. I made this for Katia in the summer and she approved.

So go forth and bake like revved up ecstasy heads my lovelies, relaxing is for the afterlife and teabread is for today.

Teabread

It is so satisfying to have teabread in your life. It works for breakfast, for lunch, for an afternoon snack... it just works. And it can be made without refined sugar if that is your thing.

All versions

175g raisins

125g sultanas

50g dried cranberries/chopped dates/chopped apricots

175g soft brown sugar OR 150g honey

300ml tea (black tea, green tea, camomile tea)

1 tsp mixed spice

2½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

100 - 150ml Rice milk/other milk

Egg free, dairy free, gluten free

Egg replacing mix:

1 heaped tsp Orgran no egg egg replacer

1 heaped tbsp ground linseeds

2 tbsps oil

¼ tsp xanthan or guar gum

3 tbsps rice milk

Either: 225g Doves Farm Plain Flour

Or: 125g rice flour + 50g potato flour + 50g tapioca flour

Gluten free with eggs

Use 1 egg in place of the egg-replacing mix

With wheat flour

Use 225g of plain wheat flour

Optional:

Sugar to sprinkle on top

Make 300ml of tea and squeeze out the teabags so that you have a strong brew. Place the fruit and sugar/honey into a large mixing bowl and add the tea. Mix to combine, cover and leave overnight
If using the egg replacing mix, combine all the ingredients and whisk until there are no lumps, set aside
Grease and line a medium loaf tin (1 litre/ 2 pint ish) with baking parchment and heat oven to 170˚celsius
Add either the egg or the egg-replacing mix to the bowl of fruit, sugar and tea and stir
Add the flour(s), bicarbonate of soda, baking powder and mixed spice and stir. Add enough rice milk/milk to give a loose cake mix. Pretty vague description I know, but not really stiff, quite soft, will drop relatively quickly from the spoon. This would be so much easier to describe if I had my own TV show
Sprinkle the surface of the cake with extra sugar if you wish and place in the oven and bake for 45 mins to an hour. Or it may take longer and you may have to cover the tin with aluminium foil to prevent the top from burning and to make sure the middle is cooked. Ovens are weird, aren’t they? It is cooked when a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean
Is my grammar lapsing? I might have been drinking red wine
Leave cake to cool in the tin and then eat great big wedges of it as you try and do five things at once
But don’t do painting with blackberry juice and sunflower pollen. That will make me heave

'Don't Kill The Birthday Girl' - The winners are...

2011-10-16T09:18:00.003+02:00

The list randomizer has spoken and the winners of the 'Don't Kill the Birthday Girl' giveaway are...

Mya

Jan

Supergran

Congratulations!!

Please email me at: piginthekitchen@hotmail.com, with PITK in the subject line, giving me your full postal address and the good people in NYC will send the book straight to you.

Yay!

And for those who are genuinely interested in what I was wearing when I made the draw? Some slightly shabby Cath Kidston pyjamas and - ahem - a blanket. Look it's early and I'm cold!

Thanks for participating and if you didn't win, well the next thing you should do is head over to Amazon!

The Teabread recipe is coming next.

Wednesday 26th October 2011

Because Jan is now lost forever (it seems) in cyberspace, I have drawn again and the winner is Kylie! Please email your address to me at: piginthekitchen@hotmail.com. Thank-you!

Boob Cakes for Breast Cancer Awareness Month (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-10-12T13:30:00.000+02:00

Don't forget to enter the fabioso giveaway to win a copy of Sandra Beasley's book "Don't kill the birthday girl" but while we're waiting for that to finish, let's talk boobs.

Tits.

Waps.

Jabongas.

And yuck I hate this one: Funbags.

Big, small, pert or droopy, they have the capacity to annoy us, get us noticed, give us pleasure, feed our children.

Oh and kill us. Bastard boobs, why do they do that? Anyway, I'm only mentioning boobs and breast cancer because it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Ladies and - this is weird - gentlemen, you should all be checking for lumps, every month, month in, month out, for the rest of your boob-bearing life. (Actually guys, you probably don't need to do it each month, but you know, just be vigilant.)

And so, because it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and because I am a shameless self-promoter who will use any vaguely relevant hook to link to some old content...why don't you go and take a look at my Boob Cakes?

Here's the link:

http://www.piginthekitchen.co.uk/2011/03/boob-cakes-aka-fancy-fruit-cakes-gluten.html

The recipe is fab, but the story that goes with it, is better. You'll see why when you read it.

Results of the giveaway will be announced over the weekend! Squeeee!

Win a copy of 'Don't Kill the Birthday Girl' by Sandra Beasley

2011-10-07T11:22:00.000+02:00

“Those with food allergies aren’t victims. We’re people who – for better or for worse – experience the world in a slightly different way. This is not a story of how we die. These are the stories of how we live.”

And with those goose-bump inducing words Sandra Beasley launches into her book about living with allergies.

What do you get from this kind of book? Just page after page of poor little me? A bit of brave-faced ‘It’s tough, but I manage’ overlaid with a weak smile?

No. You get a book that you can’t put down.

Because here is a book telling you what it’s really like living with multiple allergies. In addition to the anecdotes about her life, there is historical information about how allergies have developed, a discussion of how allergies are diagnosed, a chapter on peanut allergy, a rousing tirade against the portrayal of food allergies in the media and more, lots more. It is part information manual, part autobiography, very good read.

Oh and can you really be allergic to weddings? Apparently so.

I didn’t expect a book that recounts repeated anaphylactic episodes to make me smile, but it did. And I wasn’t expecting to cry, but she got me there too.

Her descriptions of how it feels to be the child who is different were hard to read. I realised that it’s what my daughter feels. My breezy assertions of ‘No, my daughter never misses out on cake, I just bake her a special one!’ don’t really make it all OK. Of course my daughter misses out on ‘real’ cake and of course she notices that everyone tiptoes around her, sort of freaked out by what might happen.

Sandra's book doesn't sugar coat the problems of living with food allergies, it just tells it how it is. With humour, eloquence and plenty of attitude. It is 226 pages of fascinating, compelling read.

"My job is to center on staying safe in this world, but my job is also never to assume the world should revolve around keeping me safe. We have more important things to worry about. Don't kill the birthday girl. The gifts are wrapped and the piñata is waiting. We have a party to get to."

Sandra has agreed to give away three copies of her book on my blog. I know! I’m trying to look cool and grown up but I’m wagging like a weeing little puppy.

All you have to do is leave a comment to be entered into the – drum roll please - first ever Pig in the Kitchen giveaway (I may buy a new outfit).

The competition is open for a week from the date of posting and I’ll announce the winners very soon afterwards. You then send me your address by email and the books will magically arrive at your house.

It’s that simple.

The books can be posted worldwide, so you readers in the Perhentian Islands, don’t hold back.

Leave your comment now!

More information about Sandra's book at: http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Kill-Birthday-Girl-Allergic/dp/0307588114

Chocolate Chip Cookies (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-10-04T13:19:00.000+02:00

Just putting the final touches to the exciting giveaway coming VERY soon, but in the meantime, here's the choc chip recipe and a little ditty about my Wake. What? I think it's totally fine to talk about funerals on a recipe blog! What is wrong with you?!

The weather did crazy things in the UK last week and people North of London saw the sun. This usually only happens between 3 and 4pm on August the 12^th every other year. And it was proper hot sun: “UK warmer than Portugal!” screamed the headlines.

As I hustled my kids out of school on Friday afternoon - it was definitely rosé O’clock – a black stretch limo drove into the village. A sight almost as rare as the sun in these parts.

It was the funeral cortège for a young local man killed in a car accident last week. I ached for the mourners as they gathered outside the village hall for the Wake. What a cruel contrast for them; the glorious day mocking their black, heavy grief. I hate death.

On the way home the kids quizzed me about the limo and the accident and we chatted about the crazy concept of a Wake where people feel depressed, eat sandwiches and drink bad wine.

I know about Wakes because my Mum died when I was 14. Teenage angst coupled with enormous grief did not a happy Wake make. And Aunt Olivia got drunk and cackled loudly. She is so off my list.

So last Friday I laid down some ground rules for my Wake and I scared the kids into agreeing.

I’m going to share them with you in case the kids weren't really listening. Ready?

At my Wake, black is forbidden.

For my Wake everyone must buy a new item of clothing. It must fall into the ‘I love it but I can’t really justify it’ category. It must be brightly coloured and make you feel happy.

You must toast me with champagne while laughing through your tears at the brilliance that was my life.

You must drink enough alcohol to wake up with a massive hangover and then you can curse me for a week.

And the sun must shine as brightly as it shone last Friday.

So, those are my Wake rules done, just another thing ticked off the list. What about you? Got any rules for your Wake or are you going for the laid back ‘I won’t care because I’ll be dead’ approach?

You’re right. This is a weird thing to be talking about.

Why don’t you just eat the choc chip cookies and ignore me. That's what my children did :-)

Chocolate Chip Cookies (makes about 15, probably more)

No egg replacer or eggs required for these. Yippee!!

For all versions:

280g dairy free chocolate chips (you could also just chop up some dairy free chocolate)

100g ground sunflower seeds

100g ground linseeds

280g dairy free margarine (butter if you wish)

250g sugar

For gluten free:

150g rice flour

50g potato flour

½ tsp xanthan gum or guar gum

(or use 200g of Doves Farm plain flour and omit the xanthan gum)

To make with wheat flour:

Use 200g plain wheat flour and omit the xanthan gum

Heat the oven to 180˚Celsius and line a couple of baking trays with greaseproof paper
Put the ground sunflower seeds and linseeds into a large mixing bowl. Add the sugar and either the gluten free flours and xanthan gum or the wheat flour. Stir to combine
Add the dairy free margarine and chocolate chips and mix it all together until it is a sticky mass. Using your Kitchen Aid makes this a whole lot easier!
You can now refrigerate this for up to 24 hours (although probably more, give it a go!) and I reckon you could freeze it, although I’ve never tried
Ideally chill the dough in the refrigerator for about an hour, but if you’re up against it move straight onto the next point...
Using a large spoon or an ice cream scoop, place dollops of the cookie dough onto a baking tray lined with greaseproof paper. Flatten the cookies and shape them to make them look cookie-esque. Remember, they won’t rise when they’re cooking
Repeat until all the dough is used up
Place in the oven for about 15 minutes or until the cookies are looking golden. Remove and leave to cool on the baking tray
Yummy, now go shopping for that Wake outfit I talked about!

Chocolate Chip Cookies (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-10-01T12:15:00.000+02:00

I asked the readers and the readers spoke. Not unanimously - and some tried some sneaky repetitive voting (don't worry, I saw straight through it) - but creeping into the lead by just 1 point...the cookies have it!

They are coming very soon...but before that I have something a little different and very exciting!

I'll give you a clue...

It might involve you winning a copy (or 3) of Sandra Beasley's fabulous, funny book!

"Sandra Beasley suffers from food allergies. Her allergies—severe and lifelong—include dairy, egg, soy, beef, shrimp, pine nuts, cucumbers, cantaloupe, honeydew, mango, macadamias, pistachios, cashews, swordfish, and mustard. Add to that mold, dust, grass and tree pollen, cigarette smoke, dogs, rabbits, horses, and wool, and it’s no wonder Sandra felt she had to live her life as “Allergy Girl.” When butter is deadly and eggs can make your throat swell shut, cupcakes and other treats of childhood are out of the question—and so Sandra’s mother used to warn guests against a toxic, frosting-tinged kiss with “Don’t kill the birthday girl!””

Come back next week to find out more :-)

© Pig in the Kitchen All Rights Reserved

Chocolate Chip Cookies OR Teabread?

2011-09-29T14:46:00.000+02:00

Do you want this recipe next?

Or this one?

Let me know!

Pig x

Poire Belle Hélène (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-09-26T14:48:00.000+02:00

I have a bit of an issue with my tummy.

It could be because my Mum used to poke me in the stomach and shout ‘Pull it in!’ when I was little (page 17 of ‘Stellar Parenting Techniques of the 1970’s) or it could be that I’m very shallow and have bought into the hype about needing a flat tummy to be beautiful.

The chances are it also has something to do with having been pregnant four times and realising that the words ‘trim’ and ‘taut’ will never again apply to my tummy.

Whatever.

I just don’t like it when I overeat and my gut sticks out. But of course I like to overeat and then my gut sticks out.

Why am I talking about this? Well, I recently left Paris (oh, have I mentioned that?) and leaving Paris involved a lot of eating and drinking and farewell lunches and crying and comfort eating. And my gut sticking out.

Floaty summer tops are a godsend at times of fat tummies, but so is Poire Belle Hélène. I had never tried this dessert before, but conscious of my waistline and because it contained pear (healthy) I gave it a whirl.

I was a bit shocked that the pear was cold (it was poached) but topped off with warm chocolate sauce and a little vanilla ice-cream, it worked. Ok, it worked for my palate, but not really for the tummy-has-become-a-tyre thing.

And now, the pear tree in the garden has gone mad. It has decided that this is the year when it will overwhelm me with fruit having done pretty much nothing for the last five years. Thanks pear tree.

But wait! We're at the Summer/Autumn cross-over which means I can alternate floaty tops with bulky sweaters! And I've worked out how to make Poire Belle Hélène in an allergy-friendly way! It's definitely time to over/comfort-eat.

And who really cares about fat tummies? Because soon it will be 'Winter' also known as 'Camouflage Season'. It's my best time of year.

Bring on the Poire Belle Hélène!

Poire Belle Hélène
This is so easy to make. And if you have some of my vanilla ice cream in your freezer, you can dollop that on as well. The pears can be poached in advance (24 hours and kept in fridge) and can even be frozen. Ta-daa!

Ingredients:
4 pears
water
lemon juice
Honey/agave syrup

For the sauce:
100g dark chocolate (dairy free)
1-2 tbsps dairy free margarine
a squirt of agave syrup
vanilla essence / cointreau (well, why not?)
dairy free vanilla ice cream

Peel the pears but leave the stalks in place
Place them in a saucepan and add enough water to cover them. Add a good squirt of lemon juice and a dollop of honey/agave syrup. Cover and bring to the boil. Simmer gently for about 45 minutes, but keep checking with a skewer to see if they are ready earlier. The flesh will be tender, but not breaking off
Leave the pears to cool in their juice, or if pushed for time whip them out and let them cool...um in the fridge or something
To make the sauce, melt the chocolate in a bain marie. When melted remove from the heat and add the margarine. Stir until melted, putting the bowl back over the steaming water if necessary
Add the agave syrup to taste and then pour over your lovely poached pears
Add a dollop of dairy-free ice-cream if you wish. I'm a bad woman and didn't have any to hand for the photograph. I probably need my Mum's 'Stellar Parenting Techniques of the '70's' handbook don't I?!

Ginger and Chocolate Brownies (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-08-24T09:33:00.002+02:00

It is probably my Mum’s fault that I have an asbestos tongue. I have vivid memories of covering homemade chips in Season All when I was little. That stuff was absolutely delicious, full of salt, paprika, chilli powder and other loveliness. It was a perfect match for the chips which I drowned in vinegar. If food made my lips white and shrivelled then it was all good in my book. Mum told me not to, she said I would have a 'jaded palate' (love that phrase) but who listens to their Mum?

I wish I could say that my palate has refined with age. That the subtle taste of avocado is sublime and steamed asparagus is a joy. Well, no. Avocado is best with salt, black pepper and splashed liberally with hot sauce. And asparagus...well, salt, black pepper and hot sauce. I often think that all I really want from food is texture to go with hot sauce. I'm such a sophisticated foodie.

Curry? If it’s not making me sweat then it’s not worth it. If it makes me cry and I can’t feel my lips, then it’s a winner.

Then there was the stem ginger covered in dark chocolate that we used to eat at Christmas when I was little. It was so good, on the limit of being bearable, but a real kick. When I taste it now it evokes happy Christmas memories where life was simple and it was all about the fun. Unfortunately that part does change with age doesn’t it? (Sighs, pauses on edge of maudlin precipice...steps back.)

Anyway, it was the ginger and chocolate thing I was trying to re-create with these brownies. Which is why the first batch sizzled my children’s tender young palates. Perhaps adding nearly a teaspoon of chilli powder to that first attempt wasn't such a good idea? It didn’t stop them asking for more though and when the scores were averaged out, I was at seven and a half. Which I think is pretty good.

I love that my darling girl with allergies told me ‘It’s on the limit of my spiciness range, but I love it!’ How does she form sentences like that when she’s five? (I think that was bragging by the back door, but it’s OK, I’m allowed to do that because she’s amazing.)

This is my last post for a few weeks because of moving back to the UK (have I mentioned that?!) and my internet service provider telling me I can’t get online until September 10^th. Seriously?! For a minute there I thought I was moving to Tajikistan...

Ginger and Chocolate Brownies

I’m not sure if these really are brownies. I’m tempted to call them slices. They are very moist and squidgy like brownies, but they don’t do that waxy, crunchy thing on the top like real brownies. It’s a dilemma. I don’t know how I’ll sleep tonight.

For all versions:

250g dark chocolate (dairy and gluten free)

150g dairy free margarine

250-275g agave syrup/honey or 250g sugar (I used 275g agave syrup, I have a sweet tooth)

60g fresh ginger, grated (freeze it beforehand)

½ tsp chilli powder (optional)

8-15tbsps rice milk depending on which version you are following

For egg free version:

3 heaped tsps Orgran ‘no egg’ Egg Replacer

2 tbsps ground linseeds

¼ tsp xanthan gum

6 tbsps oil

8 tbsps rice milk

To use eggs:

2 eggs, beaten

For gluten free version:

140g rice flour

40g buckwheat flour

½ tsp xanthan gum

To use wheat flour:

Use 180g wheat flour and omit the ½ tsp xanthan gum used with the gluten free flour

For the icing/frosting

100g dark chocolate (dairy and gluten free)

2 tbsps dairy free margarine

2 tbsps agave syrup/honey or golden syrup

2 cm cube of fresh ginger, grated

Line a 24cm x 24cm tin with baking parchment and pre-heat the oven to 180˚Celsius
If using the egg replacing mix put all the ingredients into a bowl and whisk with a mini whisk until there are no lumps. Set aside
Peel and grate the 60g fresh ginger (it’s easier to grate if you have frozen it beforehand, but it’s a faff to peel it)
Place the chocolate and dairy free margarine into a large saucepan and heat gently until melted. Add the agave syrup/sugar, grated ginger and either the egg replacing mix or the two fresh eggs. Stir until combined
Add either the gluten free flours and xanthan gum or the wheat flour and the chilli powder (optional). Stir until combined
Add between 8 and 15tbsps of rice milk. If you are using real eggs you will need to add less, about 8 tbsps. If using egg replacer, go ahead and add up to 15tbsps. If using wheat flour, add between 8 and 10 tbsps. You are aiming for a soft dropping consistency. The thing with gluten free flour and xanthan gum is that they just keep absorbing...don’t worry too much about it, but err on the side of too wet rather than too dry, but it must all hold together like a ‘real’ cake mix, don’t let it get too sloppy. Oh god, now you’re worried aren’t you...?
Pour your brownie mix into the tin and bake for 20 minutes or until it has set and risen slightly (it won’t rise much)
Remove from oven and let it cool in the tin
For the icing/frosting: Grate the 2cm cube of ginger, set aside. Melt the chocolate in a bain marie (bowl balanced on saucepan with boiling water in it. Don’t let the bowl touch the water).
Off the heat add the dairy free margarine, agave syrup/honey (or golden syrup) and grated ginger. Stir until the margarine has melted
Spread it over the brownies and leave to set
Yum. Get your kids to give you scores out of 10, but ignore what they say, we know these are lovely

Pig in the Kitchen is on channel4.com/4food

2011-08-23T09:55:00.000+02:00

This is a bit weird. But do you think Channel4.com/4Food fancies me? Why else would they put so many of my recipes on their website?

Oh. Or do you think it's because I'm a super-talented allergy food blogger who is quietly transforming the face of allergy cooking but no-one has really realised?

Hmmm. I think the 'Channel 4 fancies me' option might be more credible.

Well, whatever the reason, thank-you Channel4.com/4Food, thank-you to the lovely Celia Plender and the equally lovely Nancy Whiting. All very exciting indeed.

So why don't you head on over to the site and have a look?

And, ahem, if you wanted to, you know, 'rate' my recipes, or simply write a 300 word comment about my general amazingness, I would have no problem with that at all.

http://www.channel4.com/4food/recipes/special-diet/dairy-free

xxx

Pear Crumble (Gluten free, vegan)

2011-08-22T09:41:00.001+02:00

I suspect that I’m missing a gene. The ‘real woman’ gene.

No, I’m not talking lady parts, but that part of real women that is organised and grown up. Most of my friends are real women. They’ve got their shit together, they remember to pay the house insurance and are generally in control of their lives.

Whereas I float around in varying degrees of chaos, a bazillion plans half formed in my head and crucial life skills have passed me by. I really should know where the deeds to the house are, shouldn’t I?

I was thinking about this a few days ago because our extended holiday in France was coming to an end. (It’s OK, soon I’m going to shut up about leaving France.) For real women this would signal some general clearing up around the house, perhaps a few more loads of washing per day and I reckon there would be some dusting involved.

Me? The stress of having to tidy up makes me want to bake.

I did try to get organised. ‘I must defrost the freezer’ I said. But then I found all this ginger in the freezer and I didn’t want it to go to waste. (Always keep your ginger in the freezer; it makes it so much easier to grate.) So I decided to work on a ginger and chocolate brownie recipe rather than carry on with defrosting the freezer. Look, it makes sense in my head.

And then I noticed the pear tree. Well of course it’s been there for the last five weeks, but now they’re really ripe and it would be criminal to let them rot. So I worked on a crumble recipe.

And you know what? Somewhere in this random universe, my baking-not-tidying plan paid off.

Because this morning my husband drove back to the UK to start his new job. Only thing is, he took my passport with him.

So that was a bit of a balls up wasn’t it? And it’s going to be a real pain sorting out a courier to get it back to me in time for my own trip back with the kids. But tee hee, it means I am legitimately stranded in France for another four days and the cleaning up can wait!

It’s official: the universe wants me to bake and it doesn’t matter that I’m missing the real woman gene.

Pear crumble anyone?

Pear Crumble

Very excited by the topping for this. It’s a variation of my Apple Crumble, but I don’t remember it being so good! The topping was really crunchy and has got me thinking about all sorts of crunchy cookies and other recipes I might work on. I opted to use sugar in this, but I’m wondering if agave syrup could work? Will report back if I make another one.

50g ground golden linseeds + extra whole linseeds for sprinkling

50g ground sunflower seeds

100g Doves Farm gluten free plain flour

50g buckwheat flour

140g dairy free margarine + extra for dotting over the pears

150g sugar

2-3 tsps mixed spice

4-6 large pears

Preheat the oven to 180˚ Celsius
Peel, core and slice the pears and arrange them in the bottom of your ovenproof dish. Sprinkle with a teaspoon of mixed spice and mix. Dot the surface of the pears with some extra dairy free margarine
Put the ground linseeds, ground sunflower seeds, two types of flour and two teaspoons of mixed spice into a large mixing bowl
Add the margarine and rub it into the flour and seed mix. It won’t end up looking like breadcrumbs, it will sort of clump together into a fatty mess. That’s ok
Add the sugar to the fatty mess and stir (try to break up the lumps as you do so, but really, don’t worry about it)
Crumble the topping over the pears and sprinkle with the extra linseeds
Place in the oven and bake for 20-30 mins or until topping is golden
Yumptious! Enjoy with soya cream/regular cream or my latest favourite: coconut milk

Vegan Chocolate Pots (gluten free and sugar free)

2011-08-08T07:05:00.000+02:00

There were perhaps three holidays to France when I was young. I remember camping in a pine forest (ugh, who camps?), swimming in lakes, sun, Nutella and baguettes. But something happened during that time. Was it the sweet smell of the boulangérie where the air was heavy with the promise of flaky pastry, butter and soft, white bread? Or was it the strange language with its guttural rasping and hand-waving?

Whatever the reason, France got under my skin. I mastered the language and took every opportunity to get back there. A French exchange to Paris at 13, a three week archaeological dig in Lille at 17, six months near Besançon during my degree, until finally I was living and working in Nantes at 22.

Somewhere along the line I decided I didn’t really want to marry a long-haired Frenchman with a roving eye, a pink sweater slung over his shoulders and garlic breath. My blind love for all things French waned a little, but I still love la belle France.

Can this sort of love be transmitted through the umbilical cord? Because my eldest daughter is in love with France. And horse-riding.

Somehow the two have become intertwined and she cannot wait to spend week after week in the summer, rolling in horse manure (by the look of her jodhpurs) and gabbling away in French. In fact she knows words in French that I have never learnt. Of course the obscure horse vocabulary doesn’t count, but how did she know the word for splinter and I didn’t?

I watched the other week as she and a French friend baked cakes in our kitchen. The air was heavy with the promise of sweet delicacies and there was lots of guttural rasping and hand-waving. My daughter did the ‘bah ouah’ thing perfectly, she shrugged in a Gallic manner and may even have said ‘Bof!’

It’s weird to think that in a convoluted way my childhood experiences may have led to my daughter falling in love with France. Just goes to show that we can never know the consequences of our actions when our children are young.

And here’s a thought. What if she decides to marry a long-haired Frenchman with a roving eye, a pink sweater slung over his shoulders and garlic breath? It’s probably a good thing that we’re moving back to England.

Anyway, while the girls were bustling around the kitchen waving their arms around and saying ‘Ooh là là’, I was poring over the French recipe book that the friend had bought. I found a recipe that I’ve been trying to make allergy-friendly for years. It was simple, elegant (très French) and could easily be adapted.

Donc voilà! Grâce à la recette de Manon, je vous présente mes ‘Chocolate Pots’! Régalez-vous!

Chocolate Pots (makes 9 small espresso cups)

I served these to my fab (French) friends Sam and Katia recently. They hummed and harred (with slight guttural rasping) and declared that they are more of a ‘crème’ than an ‘entremet’. As we don’t have a word for either in English, I’ve gone for the less-sexy ‘chocolate pot’. But you get the gist, right?

125g dark chocolate

400ml rice milk / cow's milk

50g honey

25g cornflour (corn starch)

For the egg/egg replacer:

1 egg OR

1 tbsp custard powder

1 heaped tsp Orgran ‘no egg’ egg replacer

4 tbsps rice milk

30g dairy free margarine / butter

1 tsp vanilla essence

If using the egg replacing mix, put the custard powder, Orgran egg replacer and 4 tbsps rice milk into a small bowl and whisk together until smooth. Set aside
Put the honey and cornflour / corn starch into a large mixing bowl and whisk together (might be a bit tricky if using thick honey, but persevere, you'll get there)
Add the egg or egg replacer to the mixing bowl and whisk together
Slightly heat the 400ml of rice milk
Melt the chocolate in a bain marie (a glass bowl on top of a saucepan full of bubbling water) and add to the rice milk, whisking well
Add the chocolate rice milk to the mixing bowl and whisk until all ingredients are incorporated
Pour the chocolate liquid into a saucepan and heat very gently whisking continuously. When the mixture thickens and is looking deliciously smooth and glossy (don’t let it boil), remove from the heat and add the margarine/butter and vanilla essence. Whisk until the marg/butter has melted
Pour into individual ramekins or cute coffee cups and leave in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours, preferably overnight
Enjoy at your leisure, en français if you wish

And here’s my verdict:

Vegan Chocolate Pots (gluten free)

2011-08-06T18:01:00.000+02:00

I'm so bad unless I have deadlines.

By posting this pic of my next recipe, it sort of gives me a deadline doesn't it? Especially as one of my lovely ladies is ~~nagging ,~~ politely requesting it over on Facebook. (Just kidding lovely lady ;-)

So let's fix this deadline for, well in a few days or so? Barring international incidents, unexpected appearances by the sun and um, Acts of God.

Ciao tutti.

Pig x

Pig in the Kitchen is on channel4.com/4food

2011-07-31T17:53:00.001+02:00

I'm very happy to be featured on Channel 4 Food's round up of best gluten-free and allergy-friendly food blogs.

Ahem.

Shall we just zero in on that little word 'Best'? As in BEST gf and allergy-friendly food blogs? I like being part of the BEST blogs.

Tee hee, I think I'm supposed to be all dignified and understated...but unfortunately I'm not that cool.

And why not check out the other blogs in the BEST club?!

The Intolerant Gourmet

The Gluttonous Vegan

Gluten Dairy Free

The Gluten Free Student Cook Book

A Girl's Guide to Gluten Free Baking

Whee, look at all the choice you have!

Ciao darlings.

Pig x

Banana Pancakes (sugar free, vegan, gluten free. Oh yeh baby.)

2011-07-24T09:45:00.001+02:00

There was a time when my husband and I were cash rich and time rich. It was something to do with being lary, drunken expats in China (good wage, cheap cost of living) and working for a French company (seriously, these people never work, it was all holiday, holiday (strike), holiday.)

Money and time meant one thing; holidays in exotic destinations. Jungle trekking in Chiang Mai followed by diving on Koh Tao. Two weeks diving in the Perhentian Islands. Wreck diving and island hopping in the Philippines. Yep, it’s ok to hate me.

And what unites these travels in my memory is not the perpetual sun, diving with turtles and staying in beach shacks for a £1 a night, it is...the Banana Pancakes.

Wherever we went there were signs for Thai Green Curry, Filipino Fried Dog Meat (I made that one up) and Banana Pancake. Something tells me that the indigenous populations of these beautiful places did NOT grow up eating banana pancakes on mama’s knee. So where did banana pancakes come from?

Was it the backpackers?

Scenario 1: You’ve been travelling for weeks in your sarong, your hair is braided, you drunkenly agreed to a tattoo in Bangkok and one day you wake up feeling homesick. “What I need” you think, “is a banana pancake.”

Scenario 2: “Pad pai tnang nang” spits Wisdom Cabbage (ever noticed how some nationalities change their real names for ones that us Westerners are supposed to understand?) “kin tao ‘Westerners’ nay thlange!” Translation: “I hate these foreigners ruining our islands, getting pissed on our cheap alcohol and barfing on our beach. They won’t even eat our food. They’re all ‘No dude, I can’t face any more rice. Can you do me a banana pancake?’ Damn these young, ignorant people with their braided hair, sarongs and tattoos! But I have to earn a living, so I make the bastard his banana pancake.”

So it WAS the backpackers who invented the banana pancake. Conundrum solved.

A few weeks ago I was unpacking my belongings in a house in the UK after five years in Paris. There were too many belongings for the house. The kids and I were feeling miserable. There was CARPET on the kitchen floor. (I can’t even touch on that one or we’ll be here all day, but carpet? In a kitchen? Revolting.) There were two bananas past their best on the table and I’d just unpacked my little purple pancake pan.

It didn’t take long to make a batch of banana pancakes and OK they didn’t quite transport me back to my sun-kissed sarong days on a remote beach in Thailand, but they sort of dulled the misery.

I hope they do the same for you.

Banana Pancakes (gluten free, vegan and sugar free. I rock.)

I can’t remember how many pancakes this mix made, maybe about 15? Maybe more? I think more.

To make this egg free, here’s the egg replacing mix:

20g melted margarine

2 tsps Orgran ‘no egg’, egg replacer

¼ tsp xanthan gum

1 heaped tbsp ground linseeds

4 tbsps rice milk

All versions will need:

3 or 4 ripe bananas

3-4 tbsps honey

½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

Egg free, dairy free, gluten free

225g Doves Farm gluten free self-raising flour

1½ tsps baking powder

Approximately 500ml rice milk

Egg replacing mix (see above)

To make these with wheat flour:

Replace the gluten free flour with wheat flour. You may have to add more or less rice milk to get the right consistency

To make these using eggs:

Replace the egg replacing mix with one large egg

If using the egg replacer, mix all the ingredients together and beat with a mini whisk until smooth. Set aside
Using a fork, mash the bananas and set aside
In a large mixing bowl put the flour and baking powder. Make a well in the centre and add the egg replacing mix or the egg.
Add the honey and about 250ml of rice milk. Whisk to make a thick batter
Add the bicarbonate of soda to the mashed bananas and add it all to the batter
Add enough rice milk to make a batter which is the consistency of thick cream. You might need to use loads more than I said, maybe less. GF flour has a mind of its own
Heat a pancake pan and wipe the surface with some kitchen towel soaked in oil. Too much oil will make the pancakes fry, not enough will make them stick. It’s a tricky balance to strike
Drop dollops of your batter into the pan. When the surface starts to bubble and is almost ‘set’ turn the pancake over and brown the other side
Serve to waiting, slavering children, or place them on a plate in a warm oven until you have a fine stack of deliciousness

Fire and Knives

2011-06-24T13:05:00.000+02:00

You know that thing where I'm moving back to the UK and the packers are coming on Monday and I'm so busy you wouldn't believe it?

Well right in the midst of all the chaos, the postman came and delivered my copy of Fire and Knives.

I soo wanted to write for this fantastic food quarterly. I decided it was one of my lifetime ambitions.

Some people want to conquer the world, but me? Just a humble published article will do...

And now it is done. My life is complete and I may die happy.

"Here lies Pig. She died happy because she got published in Fire and Knives."

And now back to the packing...

x

Au Revoir...

2011-05-24T13:36:00.003+02:00

All photos copyright Mel, leave 'em alone

You know it's just so easy to blame the French for...well, everything, isn't it?

The strikes, messing up the IMF (oh Dominique I hope you're going down) and probably the ash cloud as well.

But I'm being flippant because actually, I love the French. Hold on, I'll qualify that, I love some dear lovely French friends and I love, LOVE the language.

Aged 8 I asked the teacher to set me French homework because I was desperate to learn. I have fond memories of the simple book she gave me to work from, with pictures of a chat sur la table. I love how the language works, how they use ridiculously flowery phrases and how I'm always enchanted when I learn something new; who knew that 'un souffre-douleur' meant a whipping boy? (learnt that one last week).

I love that I can communicate in French and that my accent sounds Swedish. Who wouldn't want to be asked 'Where is your accent from, are you Swedish?' I instantly grow about 12 inches, my hair looks blonder and I strike a pose that suggests 'yes I go topless on the beach because I have fabulously pert tits.' (btw, I would love to be Swedish, but that's a whole other story).

no more strolling on the Champs Elysees...

So, getting to the point...I'm leaving.

Whoosh! See how that French carpet was pulled from under our feet! Bang! Crash! See how our Parisian life is falling down around our ears as we prepare to move back to the UK in a hurry!

Am I crying? At least twice a day. Am I waking up in the night thinking 'fuckity fuck who is going to organise this move back to England'? Yes I am. (And I think it's me that's supposed to organise that move, hmmm.)

Am I hoping against hope they said the wrong country and REALLY they meant Singapore? Oh so much.

Mais non.

So in a matter of weeks (shit! in WEEKS!) I'll be doing the school run in England, wearing shades to hide my tears and doing that 'Oh hello, yes, we are new!' thing with a bright, plastic smile. And then I will crawl home - wherever home may be, because having a house would be good, wouldn't it? - and I think I will probably eat biscuits and cry some more.

And swear. Swearing is helping at the moment.

So, business suspended here at Pig in the Kitchen, but who knows when I'll think SOD IT! and bake you a gluten free tea bread instead.

A bientot mes amis.

Goodbye Paris...

Sugar-free Beetroot Loaf

2011-05-01T17:22:00.001+02:00

There are good bits and bad bits to being the CEO of a small, unruly company.

Good bits: things involving small people get done on my terms and my terms only.

Bad bits: things involving small people get done on my terms and my terms only.

Sure it's great to wield all the power (see 'Good bits' above), but when the judgement of the CEO is wide of the mark and the consequences are dire, well it's the CEO who must carry the can (see 'Bad bits' above.)

I'll give you an example. I limped through the door after the 4pm school run last week and realised that no-one had planned dinner. No-one had even THOUGHT of what could be for dinner. A CEO should always pick up the slack, so I quickly ran through the list of possible options.

The list either included ingredients I didn't have, or required lots of time (ditto). But I did have a pack of pre-cooked beetroot at my disposal.

You know how some CEOs can be a bit off the wall? Well this CEO decided that dinner would involve polenta and - wait for it - beetroot.

If I had staff, at this point someone would have cleared their throat and said (deferentially) 'Umm Pig, beetroot and polenta, really? That sounds like a pretty ghastly combination.' Then I would have had him (yes, it was a him) escorted from the building.

True, my children did more or less mention the polenta and beetroot thing to me, but they are subordinates so I didn't listen.

There was no enthusiasm at the dinner table for the pink mush (with puy lentils thrown in for good measure.) I had thought that my home made tomato and basil sauce might distract from the pink-ness, but the addition of the sauce made for an eye-hurting combination of colours. Even my eyes were hurting.

The children picked silently at the meal for a second before the bargaining started.

'Could I just have the sauce and some baguette instead?'

'Is it ok if I eat it all except the beetroot?'

'I'm not really hungry, it is ok if I don't eat any but will-there-be-pudding?'

And then the retch-fest began. One after the other they began gagging which made them laugh hysterically. Gag - gale of laughter - gag - gale of laughter - gag - repeat to fade.

After my son picked up a slab of polenta on his fork and squealed 'Look! It's like tinned dog food!' (gale of laughter) I left them to it and ate mine in the kitchen.

A good CEO is humble when it goes tits up. She will raise her hand to accept responsibility.

Can you see my hand?

Despite the emergency board meeting called by the kids, I have not been sacked because I thought fast and used the remaining beetroot to make this loaf.

But it was a close call and I'm keeping my CV up to date.

Beetroot Loaf

You will need a LARGE loaf tin for this recipe. Maybe even two small ones. One lovely reader found that the damned loaf would not cook...we think it was because her loaf tin was too small and I should have been clearer in my recipe. This is me being clear ;-)

This is based on my beetroot cup cakes with just a few tweaks (the rice bran is new.) It's good sliced and spread with margarine (or butter) and jam. In my family at least, this loaf doesn't cause retching.

It's an eggless recipe, although you could throw in an egg for good measure and reduce the rice milk to about 100ml. If you want to use wheat flour, use 230g self-raising flour instead of the Doves Farm gluten free flour.

275g cooked beetroot, finely grated

3 tbsps ground linseeds

10-12 tbsps agave nectar

110ml oil (mild olive might be best)

100g dried cranberries

5 tbsps Ener-G rice bran

3 tbsps apple sauce (baby apple puree)

230g self-raising Doves Farm gluten free flour

1 tsp mixed spice

¼ tsp xanthan gum

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

150ml rice milk (other milk)

Heat the oven to 160 degrees Celsius and line a large loaf tin with baking parchment
Into a large bowl put the grated beetroot, ground linseeds, agave nectar and dried cranberries. Add the oil and apple sauce and stir. Add the egg (beaten) if you want to use one.
Add the flour, rice bran, mixed spice, bicarbonate of soda, half the rice milk and stir. Add the remaining rice milk gradually until you have a loose mixture. Add extra rice milk if it seems too thick/dry
Scrape into the loaf tin and bake for 20 minutes. After this time the loaf should have risen but will be uncooked in the centre. Cover the tin with tin foil and bake for a further 15-25 minutes until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Cooking times may differ according to different ovens
Leave to cool, slice and serve
Perhaps consider going on a CEO training course?

Moo Free! It's what Jesus would have wanted...

2011-04-01T06:01:00.001+02:00

Photo courtesy of www.moofreechocolates.com. Subject to copyright.

And now for something completely different...

There are moments on this allergy journey of ours when the storm clouds break. And rather like Paul on the road to Damascus (stay with me) we see a blinding light from above. And then the clouds are rent asunder –parting company with the Bible now - and little magical drops of dairy free chocolate scatter down from the heavens. Angels swoop hither and thither and a voice from on high declaims “go forth and eat this delicious-tasting chocolate until verily you are sick.” What a result! A mandate from heaven to indulge.

I’m talking about Moo Free chocolate of course. Eating Moo Free is one of those moments – like in an advert – where you say “No, really? This doesn’t have milk in?” And no, it really doesn’t. And it’s also free from eggs, gluten or wheat.

Andrea Jessops and her husband started experimenting with dairy-free chocolate 3 years ago, selling it on their site www.alotofchocolate.co.uk. The response from vegans and food allergy sufferers was positive, so Andrea wanted to get a dairy free range made. Unable to find anyone who made dairy-free chocolate, she decided to have a go herself.

“I didn’t have a clue how to make chocolates” says Andrea, “I bought one of those tiny tempering machines, bought some Easter egg moulds and put the chocolates on our website.” The result? “They sold as quickly as I could make them and after Easter they wanted advent calendars!”

In June 2010 the Moo Free brand was born. Andrea no longer tinkers with a tiny tempering machine, delegating instead to her 10-strong workforce who make the chocolate in a purpose-built clean room in Reading, UK. And still they are selling their wares as fast as they can make them, with interest from Harrods and Waitrose in the UK and online outlets for Europe and the USA.

Nut allergy sufferers should note that the chocolate is not guaranteed to be nut free as Moo Free does make chocolates containing nuts. It carries the usual ‘May contain nut traces’ reminder.

Keeping up with the demand for dairy free chocolate means working a six day week for Andrea and her husband, but it’s starting to pay off. Moo Free chocolate has been shortlisted for three ‘Free From Awards’ and Andrea readily admits that the chocolate is “flying off the shelves.”

“It’s hard work but it’s rewarding” says Andrea, “especially when I get emails saying a child has had an Easter egg for the first time because of our products.”

Well Amen to that! So if you are scrabbling for a dairy free Easter egg, look no further than: http://www.moofreechocolates.com/.

It’s what Jesus would have wanted...

Photo courtesy of www.moofreechocolates.com. Subject to copyright.

Lemon Welsh Cakes (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-03-17T05:59:00.000+01:00

Some of my best ideas come to me when I first wake up. Admittedly the idea of hand-making all my Christmas decorations one year was not my finest, but other ones have been pretty cool.

It’s why I have Sempervivums growing out of a (disused) toilet in the garden, how my landing got painted bright yellow (hmm) and how my daughter ended up with a new wardrobe rather unexpectedly last Sunday. I woke up at 6am, decided she needed one and by 1pm it was home and installed. Ta-daa! (manic? me?)

Often, the ideas are about baking. I wake up and see enormous cherry sponges just gagging to be made, or I fantasise about making Pigs in Blankets without gluten, eggs, milk, nuts, meat, mustard, gelatine, etc, etc. Yeah, some of those ideas are a bit off the wall.

Last Sunday, along with the wardrobe brainwave came the Welsh Cakes brainwave.

I recently got Mr Amazon to send my cool friend Jo (who designed my Pig logo) the Great British Book of Baking and it rankled slightly. If cool friend Jo can have one, why can’t I? Mr Amazon was very happy to oblige. Although the book is fab, it is full of recipes I can’t bake for my allergic family.

Sigh, life’s a bitch, etc. But the Welsh Cake recipe got me thinking...

So, between waking up and buying the wardrobe I managed to make 2 batches of egg-free, dairy-free, gluten-free Welsh Cakes for my kiddies and I was definitely the best Mum in Paris for a whole ten minutes.

It was one of my finer morning ideas and it gives me great pleasure to bequeath it to you dear, loyal blog readers.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch as the Welsh would say.

Lemon Welsh Cakes (makes about 12, hopefully more)

These are a doddle to make (that means easy to make). The kids kept scampering back into the kitchen for more while I basked in glory. Trust me, it doesn't happen often. The acidity of the lemon is crucial; its counterbalances the sweetness of the sugar, margarine AND jam I loaded onto mine. You are supposed to only have them with sugar sprinkled on top, but jam, maple syrup, golden syrup, honey, chocolate spread, it's all good in my book. You will need a crepe pan for this recipe and a 7cm round cutter.

All versions:

125g dairy free margarine (or butter)

80g sugar (+ extra for sprinkling)

35g currants/sultanas

1 lemon

Approximately 6 tbsps Rice milk / other milk

Egg-free, dairy-free, gluten-free

225g Doves Farm self-raising gluten free flour

1 pinch of xanthan gum

1 pinch of salt

Egg replacing mix:
1 tbsps ground chia seeds (grind the chia seeds in a blender)
1 tbsp ground linseeds / flaxseeds
1 tbsp apple sauce/puree
3tbsps rice milk

Gluten free with eggs
Use the Doves Farm GF flour, xanthan gum and salt as above, but replace the egg replacing mix with 1 egg yolk

Egg-free with wheat flour
Use the egg replacing mix as shown above and use 225g of self-raising flour (you could probably get away with plain flour in an emergency)

If using the egg replacing mix, place the ground chia seeds, linseeds/flaxseeds, apple sauce and 3 tbsps rice milk into a small bowl. Stir to combine and set aside
Place the flour, salt and xanthan gum (if using) into a mixing bowl. Add the zest of the lemon and the dairy free margarine/butter cut up into cubes. Rub the fat into the flour with your fingertips until the mix looks like fine breadcrumbs
Add the sugar and sultanas and stir
Make a well in the centre and add either the egg replacing mix or the egg yolk and mix to combine. Squeeze some juice from your lemon into the mix and stir/work it until you have a soft, fairly wet dough
Dollop your mixture onto a GF floured work surface then, because it is too wet to roll, sprinkle some flour over the top. Turn the dough over and over on the floured surface until more flour is incorporated - add more sprinkles of flour as necessary - and you have a soft dough that you can roll out. It sounds a faff doing it this way, but I think it makes for a softer cake at the end of it
Gently roll out the dough to 1cm thick, you can almost pat it out to this thickness, the dough feels lovely doesn't it?
Using the cutter, stamp out rounds and set them to one side until all the dough is used up
Lightly grease your crepe pan by putting a teaspoon of oil onto the surface and then wiping it round with some kitchen paper, the welsh cakes shouldn't be 'fried' in the oil, just browned by the heat
Heat the pan over a low to medium heat and add your welsh cakes - in batches of 3 or 4 depending on pan size
Cook them on one side until golden brown, then carefully turn them over to cook/brown the other side, lower the heat if they are browning too quickly and not cooked in the middle
Place them onto a plate lined with kitchen paper and sprinkle with sugar. Repeat until they are all cooked
Now smear them with margarine and jam, hunker down in the kitchen and eat the whole lot. Or you could share them with your kids/significant other/dog/cat or budgie
Yum

Lemon Welsh Cakes (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-03-13T21:43:00.000+01:00

Coming soon... Lemon Welsh Cakes.

'Soon' being a relative term...but my ditzy, disorganised blogging schedule adds to my charm, right? You wouldn't really want me to be an up-to-the-minute, 'a new recipe every Friday' kind of a person would you?

À bientôt mes anges...je vous aime.

Pig x

Boob Cakes aka Fancy Fruit Cakes (Gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-03-10T06:47:00.000+01:00

It’s that time of year again when a prescription from my doctor lies around for weeks. Every time I look at it I suppress the mental note that says ‘You really need to get this done.’

It’s time for my annual mammogram.

Of course you’re thinking that I’m far too young to need a mammogram and you are right. But my Mum - who I miss so much - shuffled off her mortal, cancer-ridden coil aged 42 and that means that the mammogram people have been all over me for years.

Which sounds way more fun than it is.

But this year I don’t mind (much) about my mammogram. As my husband says ‘It’s all upside; either you have cancer and they’ve caught it early or you don’t have cancer and that’s good, right?’

Not sure he’d be so cavalier if it were his testicles about to be squished...

The other reason I don’t mind is that last year I interviewed Jane Hallenga, Kristin Hallenga’s mum and I realised that I'm fortunate that doctors take my concerns about breast cancer seriously.

Aged 23 Kristin Hallenga was told she had breast cancer. Stage 4 breast cancer, there is no stage 5. And this was after she’d been to two different doctors with a lump in her breast, which was dismissed as ‘hormonal.’

Kris is no ordinary cancer patient. She went through the requisite treatment but also launched a charity to promote breast cancer awareness in young women. With the help of her twin sister Maren and her mum, Jane, www.coppafeel.org came to life.

Here’s a snippet to give you a feel (geddit?) of how they’re different to other cancer charities:

‘At CoppaFeel if we're not bakin' for boobies or bikin' for baps, we're joggin' for jugs or ramblin' for racks. And when we're not doing that, we're just simply hitting the streets and spreading the word. Where there are young people, you're guaranteed to find the CoppaFeel team.’

Kris and her family are an inspiration and so I’ll humbly endure my mammogram this year, thinking of them. (Not thinking of them as they squish my boobs, that would be weird, but generally thinking of them around the time of the procedure...)

And hey, if I DO have breast cancer, do you think I can join Kris’ cool club?

My husband is right, it’s all upside.

You can read my interview with Jane on www.inthepowderroom.com here:

http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/share-it/meet-jane-hallenga.html

But if you do nothing else today, please watch this clip of Kris receiving an award. Warning: it will probably reduce you to tears, but the word needs to be spread...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu4mldR7PY0

Boobie Cake aka ‘Fancy Fruit Cake’

Of course you don’t have to make these cakes in the shape of mammary glands, but it’s quite fun. My darling second daughter stared at the array of decorated cakes I made (see above) and declared innocently that she liked the ones shaped like ‘a baby’s bottle’ best. I need to improve my cake decorating skills...

To make mini cakes you’ll need a fancy cake tin that is square but has an insert that divides the large square tin into mini square cakes. I can't find one online to show you :-( OR you could use ramekins to make round cakes. But you’ll need lots of ramekins. You could also make one whopper cake in a round tin. Up to you.

And of course you don’t have to ice this cake, you can leave it naked and it will still taste yummy. It will also have about a third of the sugar content...

All versions:

250g raisins

250g sultanas

85g cranberries

6 tbsps orange juice

1 tsp GF baking powder

1½ tsp mixed spice

200g dark muscovado sugar

Gluten free, Egg free, Dairy free version

Use the ingredient list for 'All versions' plus:

75g potato flour/ corn starch (cornflour)

125g rice flour (or you could use 200g of Doves Farm GF plain flour or other GF mix)

¾ tsp xanthan gum (if using Doves Farm or other pre-mix, possibly reduce this to ½ tsp, but it won’t make much difference)

200g dairy free margarine

Egg replacing mix:

4 heaped tsps of Orgran ‘No egg’ Egg replacer

10 tbsps rice milk

¼ tsp xanthan gum

2 tbsps ground linseeds / flaxseeds

2 tbsps olive oil/other oil

90ml rice milk / other milk

Gluten free with eggs

As for GF/EF/DF version but use 3 large eggs in place of the ‘Egg replacing mix’

Use butter in place of dairy free margarine

With wheat flour

Omit the gluten free flours, use 200g plain wheat flour instead

For any other version I haven’t thought of, please email me!

For the icing:

500g – 1kg white fondant, roll-out icing (check it is GF, mine was). The amount you need depends on how fancy you’re making your cake

250-500g Coloured roll-out icing of your choice

Smooth apricot jam

Confectioners glue for sticking (check it doesn't contain egg white), or jam will do (see later)

Pre-heat the oven to 170˚ celsius
Put the raisins, sultanas and cranberries in a large saucepan and add the orange juice. Gently heat until you hear sizzling, stirring all the time. Let is sizzle for about 30 seconds, keep stirring, then remove from the heat and set aside
Put the dairy free margarine/butter and sugar into a large mixing bowl and beat until combined.
Add the egg replacing mix or the real eggs and beat again
Add the flours (GF or wheat), baking powder and mixed spice and mix to combine. Add the rice milk/other milk gradually, stirring continuously. You might find you don’t need it all, you might find you need double; this GF cooking is based so much on intuition, no?
When you have a fairly loose mixture – the mix should slip gently off your wooden spoon, not stick on it – add the raisin/sultana/cranberry mix and stir again. Is it looking lovely? It should be.
Divide your mixture into your clever mini square tin, or scrape it all into one large tin, or divide it between a million ramekins
Place in the oven and for small cakes, bake for about 20-25 minutes. A larger cake will need longer – about 40 minutes. If the surface of your cake starts to look too brown but the inside is squidgy, cover the cake with baking foil and slightly reduce the oven heat
Remove the cake when it is risen, dark brown and an inserted skewer comes out clean-ish. You’ll get bits of raisin stuck to it, but you don’t want globs of cake mix
Leave to cool
If you are icing the cake/s, warm about 2 tbsps of apricot jam in a saucepan (or evil microwave, shhh!) and brush it over the outside of the cake/s
Roll out the fondant icing to a thickness of 3-4mm and gently lay it over the cake/s. Squidge and primp and squeeze until it adheres smoothly to the cake and cut off any excess
Decorate with shapes, nipples, whatever you wish. You can use confectioners glue to stick on shapes, or jam will more or less do the same job
Now, you are checking your breasts regularly every month aren’t you? And if you have been sent an appointment for a mammogram, GO TO IT. Early detection is crucial
Wish me luck with my mammogram!

2011-02-25T07:29:00.000+01:00

Chocolate Whoopie! Pies (Gluten free and/or Vegan)

2011-02-17T23:52:00.001+01:00

The Whoopie Pie. I hope you can hear my deeply sceptical voice. Because honestly, who would give a cake such a ridiculous name?

There is some debate online about where it originated, maybe Pennsylvania, maybe New England (can you tell I don’t know the difference?). There was something about them being an Amish delicacy, but there was lots of claim and counter-claim and I got a bit bored.

One account said that the name was given to them because when schoolchildren found them in their lunch box, they exclaimed ‘Whoopie!’

And then presumably they counter-exclaimed ‘Pie!’ (Even though they look nothing like pies).

And then – and then – some bright spark yelled out, ‘I know! Let’s call them Whoopie Pies!’ and everyone whooped and high-fived everyone else and triumphal, patriotic music welled up and all the action went slo-mo and thus a tradition was born.

Actually, it sounds quite plausible doesn’t it?

You know, despite my sceptical voice and my disparaging tone (you picked up on that, right?) I do love the concept of the Whoopie! Pie. It is in fact, a cake sandwich. And whoever came up with that idea, well they deserve an OBE for Services Rendered to the World of Gluttony.

I salute whichever American – Amish or not – created this confection because us staid and sensible (boring? unadventurous?) Brits would never have allowed a cake sandwich. I can hear my dear Mother’s voice, ‘A Cake sandwich? Absolute rubbish!’

She’s right of course. But now that I’ve crossed over to the dark side and tasted cake sandwich, well, I’m happy to sell my soul to the devilish whoopie pie.

I’ll say it again, A. Cake. Sandwich.

Bloody genius.

Whoopie!

Whoopie Pies (makes about 8 whoopie pies)

These probably taste nothing like Whoopie Pies from across the pond, but they are just gorgeous. A cake sandwich people! A Cake sandwich! I've tried to reduce the refined sugar because, well, we're supposed to eat less sugar aren't we?

All versions:

130g dairy free margarine

175g rice syrup or Agave syrup/nectar (but - whisper - you could use sugar)

60g cocoa powder

50g dairy free dark chocolate or couverture (you could omit this and use an extra 20g cocoa powder)

1 tsp gluten free baking powder

½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

Gluten free version:

125g brown rice flour

50g potato flour (or corn starch)

1 heaped tbsp ground linseeds / flax seeds

¾ tsp xanthan gum

With wheat flour:

Use 175g wheat flour instead of gluten free flour (keep the linseeds / flax seeds)

Omit the ¾ tsp xanthan gum

Egg/Egg free:

1 egg (beaten)

or an egg replacing mix of:

1 heaped tsp of Orgran 'No egg' Egg Replacer

2 heaped tbsps ground linseeds

a pinch of xanthan gum

½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

1 tbsp of vegetable oil

6 tbsps rice milk

50-100ml of rice milk / cows' milk

For the filling: (I made this up as I went along, the following is a guide...)

150g dairy free margarine

Yellow paste food colouring (not the liquid stuff, bleurgh)

170g icing sugar (you can also sweeten with agave syrup, although it makes the icing a lot softer)

1-2 tbps lemon juice (add gradually according to taste)

½ tsp of cream of tartar

Heat the oven to 170˚ Celsius. Line a large baking tray with baking parchment
If using the egg replacing mix, put all the ingredients into a bowl and whisk with a mini whisk until all the lumps have gone. Set aside
Put the dairy free margarine and rice/agave syrup into a large saucepan and melt gently over a low heat
Add the chocolate/couverture and stir until melted. Add the cocoa powder and stir
Add either the egg (beaten) or the egg replacing mix and stir
Add the flour (gluten free or wheat), xanthan gum (GF version), ground linseeds, bicarbonate of soda and baking powder and stir
Add the rice milk gradually. You may need to add extra if the mixture seems very thick. But you need to be able to scoop it out with an ice cream scoop so it mustn't be too runny
Using an ice cream scoop, scoop out an even number of scoops (am I really saying 'scoop' over and over?) onto the baking tray to make the tops and bottoms of the whoopie pies
I've written scoop so often now, it seems a really weird word
Place the baking sheet with the scoops (there it is again!) into the oven and bake for 7-12 minutes until they are risen and springy to the touch
Remove and leave to cool on a wire rack
Prepare the filling. Beat the dairy free margarine with the food colouring until soft and yellow and add the sieved icing sugar. Beat again until smooth. Taste it, horribly sweet? Add lemon juice. Not sweet enough? Add more sugar. You are aiming for a sweet but tart filling with a lovely fatty in-the-mouth feel. Yum!
When the pies are cool, sandwich them together with the filling. Add sprinkles if you wish, or just leave plain
Take them on the school run but do not give to your children unless they shriek Whoopie!

Going...

Gone.

Chocolate Whoopie! Pies (Gluten free and/or Vegan)

2011-02-16T06:30:00.000+01:00

Coming Soon darlings, coming soon...

Well, if I leave you any...

Lemon Drizzle Cake (gluten free and/or vegan)

2011-02-05T16:12:00.001+01:00

I love a good bit of cake.

I sometimes get my kids to imagine that they have a pillow made out of cake and we fantasise about how lovely it would be to eat it. The last time we played that game my son took it to the next level and imagined a marshmallow duvet. Inspired. The boy will go far.

I have a friend who also loves cake, her name is Ali. Last September Ali came to Paris with Annie to run a short road race with me. The good thing about a short race (I mean 6k short, not even 10k) is that there’s none of the stress associated with a long one. The day before is not devoted to carbo-loading (although we did carbo-load just for fun), there’s not the knot of tension in your stomach and you are pretty much free to be tourists in Paris.

So that’s what we did.

A bit of browsing outside the Sacré Coeur and some mooching around Montmartre. Some chillin’ on the Champ de Mars and some falafels in the Jewish quarter. Ahh, Paree, je t’aime.

It was when we were on the Métro that the conversation turned to cake.

Ali and Annie talked passionately about a cake they love. Ali described in detail how the sugary, lemony topping solidifies when it cools and makes a crunchy crust on the soft sponge. She told of her friend who always requests the middle section of Ali's cake because it is squidgy cake perfection. Annie recounted how she doesn’t bother adding the required 6 tablespoons of milk, whereas Ali always adds them. It was a lively, useful debate about cake.

Which cake? Lemon Drizzle Cake.

Since the Métro conversation I've tried many times to make Lemon Drizzle without eggs, sans success. Gluten free with eggs, yes. Gluten free without eggs, not so good.

Then, the breakthrough. My KitchenAid worked her magic and lo! a pillowy, egg-free cake. Granted, it doesn’t have as much pillow-factor as one with eggs, but I would happily rest my head on it for a good 12 hours. Possibly longer.

To Ali, Annie, cake and passion. And a lovely weekend in Paris.

Lemon Drizzle Cake

Who would think that a prolonged whisk of the egg replacing mixture would yield such happy results? Can it really have been that simple all along? You'll need an electric hand whisk (or KitchenAid!) for this recipe.

Egg free, dairy free, gluten free

2 lemons

6 tsps Orgran 'no egg' egg replacer

3 tbsps ground golden linseeds/flax seeds

¼ tsp xanthan gum

½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

3 tbps GF apple/banana purée (like the stuff babies eat)

3 tbsps oil (I used olive oil)

15tbsps rice milk

180g Doves Farm Self Raising Gluten free flour (or other gluten free flour enhanced with xanthan/guar gum)

¼ and an ⅛ xanthan gum (that's a ¼ tsp plus a good pinch)

¼ teaspoon baking powder

1½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

2 tsps vanilla essence

160g sugar

100-150ml rice milk

Gluten free with eggs

Replace the first 6 ingredients in the Gluten free, egg free version above with:

3 eggs

Then use the rest of the ingredients shown in the gluten free, egg free, dairy free version.

Egg free with wheat flour

Replace the gluten free flour and ¼ & ⅛ xanthan gum with 180g self-raising wheat flour then use the rest of the ingredients shown in the gluten free, egg free, dairy free version.

Topping:

Juice of the two lemons plus 6 tbsps of sugar

If not using eggs, prepare the egg replacing mix. Put the Orgran no egg powder, ground linseeds, bicarbonate of soda, xanthan gum, oil and rice milk into a bowl and whisk with a mini whisk to remove any lumps. Set aside
Pre-heat the oven to 180˚ celsius. Grease an 18x28 rectangular baking tin and line with baking parchment. If using real eggs, you can use a slightly larger tin, about 20 x 28 (ish)
Remove the zest from the two lemons with a zester or fine grater and place in a large mixing bowl
Squeeze the juice from the lemons into a separate bowl (or use a reamer and get the guts as well) and reserve
Add the sugar and eggs or egg replacing mixture to the mixing bowl with the lemon zest and whisk using an electric hand whisk/KitchenAid/Kenwood. The eggs will grow and froth up and show off about being so much better than egg replacer. The egg replacer will definitely bulk up but will not double in size. Hope that's clear
Add the remaining ingredients, but only half of the rice milk. Mix to incorporate and add the remaining rice milk (or more) to achieve a dropping consistency
Scrape into the baking tin and bake in the oven until risen and golden and an inserted skewer comes out clean. About 20-30 mins. If the top starts to brown but the middle is not cooked, cover the top of the cake with aluminium foil and slightly reduce the heat until the middle is cooked
About three minutes before the cake is cooked, add 6 tbsps of sugar to the lemon juice you set aside earlier and stir. Don't do this bit too early or the sugar will dissolve, you want it crunchy
Remove the cake from the oven and spread the sugar and lemon juice mix over the surface. Use the back of a metal spoon to spread it around the cake. Some of it will dribble down the sides and will make your cake deliciously squidgy
Leave to cool and the sugar topping should go crunchy
Best eaten on the same day. Alternatively you could use it as a pillow and eat it in your sleep

Sexy New Pig in the Kitchen!

2011-01-27T01:23:00.000+01:00

Do you ever wonder about blogging? Like, why do people do it?

Me too.

It is 01.21 on a Thursday morning. My alarm will go in 5 hours and all day tomorrow my left eyelid will do this weird twitchy thing because it's absolutely knackered.

But as I hike myself up on caffeine tomorrow and eat far too many carbohydrates, at least I will know exactly why I blog.

Because... take a look at my new, bad-ass blog! She looks fab doesn't she?!

I've spent hours uploading pix and mending broken links, but I'm a happy cochon. My blog is all mine and she makes me proud.

And uber thanks to Violet Posy for doing all the techy html stuff and for putting up with patently idiotic questions:

Pig: 'I can't see the recipe page.'

Violet Posy: 'That's because you're looking at my site not yours.'

Seriously. You couldn't make it up could you?

And hugest thanks to my clever friend Jo Smith who created the new Pig in the Kitchen.

So in case you're wondering where the bloody hell my latest recipe is...

It's coming, really it is.

Ciao bellissima dahlings!

A bientot :-)

Pig x

Spicy Carrot and Fennel Soup (Gluten free and/or Vegan)

2011-01-13T21:21:00.000+01:00

There are some vegetables that I find disturbing.

One of them is this odd, black root vegetable that I see here in France. I’ve yet to work out what it’s called but it looks like a cross between a long, sweet potato and a lump of coal. And then there’s the Topinambour also known –apparently – as the Jerusalem Artichoke.

Woeful in my ignorance, I had never heard of Topinambour, but after my dear friend Sam told me it makes you fart like a trooper, I have pledged never to cook it. And I have still not cooked a real artichoke, despite lovely blog friends describing at length how to do it in one of my comments boxes. Oh shameless cooking heathen.

And then there’s fennel.

The colours are pleasing enough and as far as I know it doesn’t make you trump, but what’s with it looking like a heart?

Here’s a diagram of a heart:

Here's a picture of fennel:

Heart:

Fennel:

Heart:

You see? Is it any wonder that in nearly 4 decades (I said nearly) I have never sliced into the Aorta or Vena Cava of fennel?

But now it’s January and I’m feeling lardy. The December bliss of stuffing tasty morsels willy- nilly into my mouth has to stop and it’s time to get back on track.

And while I was clicking around God I Love Paris I came across Heidi Swanson’s recipe for Carrot and Fennel soup.

Filled with that January feeling that this year I might really change and become a much better, funnier, slimmer, nicer, kinder, more adventurous person whose skin is smooth and who has tight buns, Heidi’s recipe inspired me to take a blade to the fennel left ventricle.

Of course I wasn’t content to just follow the recipe, I had to bastardise it completely, adding plenty of spice to increase my metabolism and burn off fat (or something like that). Go heavy on the spice and you’ll find this a very warming dish indeed!

Happy January dears!

Spicy Carrot and Fennel Soup

Perhaps you would like to adopt my 'you can never have too much spice' maxim for 2011? In my book, if you're not sweating and agitated and you can still feel your lips, it ain't hot enough... Readers of a gentle disposition may adjust the spice quantities to suit their taste.

2 bulbs of fennel

3 large carrots

3 cloves of garlic

1-2 green chilli peppers (or red ones)

2-4 tsps GF ground cumin

1-2 tsps GF ground turmeric

1 tsp fenugreek powder (methi powder) check it's GF

1-2 tsp GF chilli powder

Olive oil to fry

2-3 GF stock cubes

1 litre water (maybe more)

2 tbsps wine vinegar (weird, I know. Optional)

160g Basmati rice/other rice

Remove the frilly green bits from the fennel and reserve for decoration at the end
Faced with fennel I wasn't really sure what to do. I thought the outer skin might have to be discarded, but couldn't bring myself to waste it. So I washed it and chopped it along with the rest of the bulb. I did cut the base off though. I also cut off the stalky bits that look so much like an aorta. So, wash the exterior of the fennel, cut off the aorta and vena cava (stalks), cut off the base and chop roughly
Peel, top and tail the carrots and chop roughly. Finely chop the garlic and green chilli peppers
Heat some olive oil in a large heavy-based saucepan and add the fennel, carrots, garlic and chilli peppers. Fry on a medium to high heat for a minute or so and then add the cumin, turmeric, chilli powder and fenugreek. Stir and fry until the veg is coated. Add the vinegar
Add the litre of water and the GF stock cubes, bring to the boil, stir and reduce the heat so that it simmers energetically until the fennel is just cooked. Adjust seasoning to taste
Meanwhile, cook the rice according to the packet instructions
When the rice is cooked, ladle some into the bottom of your soup bowl, then top up the bowl with spicy soup. Add the chopped frilly fennel bits to garnish
Add a splash of Tabasco if you dare!
Eat, perspire and beg for water. Yum

Happy New Year

2011-01-06T12:12:00.001+01:00

Rural Normandy, France

It would be really nice if I had an editor for my blog. You know someone who looks ahead, marks important dates in the diary and then commissions content from me.

If I had someone like that then:
a) I would have posted this new year greeting in a timely manner and
b) I would have a new year recipe right here to show you.

So anyway, here I am wishing you a slightly belated Happy New Year! and leaving a frosty, wintry sort of photo for your pleasure instead of a new recipe. I know. Sloppy.

I will now retreat to my kitchen and concoct for you.

My head says cleansing soups and plain food. My heart is all about steamed syrup pudding, sweet jam roly poly and thick custard.

I may have to re-name the blog Fat Pig in the Kitchen's Artery-Furring Recipes for Lard Arses (gluten free and/or vegan.)

What d'you reckon?

Hasta luego chicos!

Pig x

© Pig in the Kitchen All Rights Reserved

Christmas Cake Bites (gluten free and/or vegan)

2010-12-24T09:55:00.003+01:00

I was going to write you a little ditty about Christmas time. You know, the perfect homes, the happy, laughing families who are just loving spending 24/7 with each other. Then I was going to recount an amusing anecdote and sign off happily.

But I went shopping yesterday and something rather upsetting happened.

Like lots of Mums there is a list burning a hole in the back pocket of my jeans and as I pushed my trolley towards the supermarket I was braced for the task ahead.

I was about to go in when I saw the man begging. Actually, I saw the man shivering uncontrollably.

Years ago, on a first date my soon-to-be-boyfriend refused to give money to a man begging. Instead he took him to a cafe, bought him a mug of tea and a bacon sarnie and then walked me home. It was the best possible seduction plan for a soft-hearted girl like me.

The shivering man of yesterday nodded when I asked if he wanted something to eat. It was simple to nip in and get him croissants and a coffee, although he had difficulty holding the cup straight because of the shivering.

I went into the supermarket with the trolley I was about to fill and suddenly none of it seemed right. The bright lights, the festive cheer and all that money we spend on gorging ourselves at Christmas.

I decided not to cry in public because it’s never a good look, but my brains were in rack mode wondering what I could do to lessen the man’s misery and that bloody shivering.

I looked carefully, but they were not selling small, flat-packed houses filled with warmth and cheer for the homeless. I personally think they have missed a trick there. No, the best I could do was chocolate, a hat, scarf and gloves.

The shivering man thanked me and told me that no, he had nowhere to sleep. I suggested one of the homeless shelters they open up during the winter, but he said because he has no papers to be in France he can only sleep in a shelter one night a month. I urged him to go to one of the soup kitchens but he told me that being sans papers, he’s not entitled to any food. He said he would sleep in the station at which I was lost for words and then told him I was sorry. He nodded and as I walked away he shouted ‘Merry Christmas!’ after me.

Good look or not, that bit made me cry in public.

I cried even more as I drove out of the car park and saw that he was already wearing the hat that we all know will not really make any difference to his plight.

Maybe there are some braying types reading this and snorting at the computer. ‘He probably survives on benefits, has a council house, 51 children and huge plasma screen telly.’

You know what? I really, really hope he has all of that (maybe not the 51 kids.) I hope he has so many hats, scarves and gloves that he is selling them on a market stall somewhere and making a tidy profit.

But something - oh I dunno call it feminine intuition – tells me that when there is ice and snow on the pavement, not many people would choose to sit on the ground unless they were desperate.

I came home to my lovely, warm house and my loving family. I made myself a hot drink and stoked the fire because it’s bloody cold out there. My husband listened about the man and then talked about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. He added that I’d touched someone at the bottom of the hierarchy which is always going to feel uncomfortable when we are so much further up it. (Please look at the graphic so you know what I’m talking about. Otherwise I just sound fascist...)

Look, I know it’s Christmas and I’m supposed to be full of festive cheer and I am, really I am. My children are hopping around in excitement and I can’t wait to see their faces tomorrow when they open all their loot.

But I kissed my son last night as he slept in his warm bed and I couldn’t help thinking of my supermarket man. Maybe somewhere that man’s mother is wondering how he’s doing and hoping that he’s got a warm bed for the night. I wish someone had good news for her.

Right, no more maudlinity! (yes, that’s a word). I’m really here to wish you lots of yummy goodness for Christmas and more champagne than your liver can cope with.

Thanks for all your brilliant comments and emails during the year, please eat, drink and be merry darlings!

But spare a thought for my supermarket man and if you see him at a shop near you, please buy him a hot drink and something to eat.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Cake Bites

I know these are just a festive re-hash of Cake Balls for E and I had high hopes of bringing you a new recipe. But if you haven’t worked it out, I’m really disorganised and I’m afraid this is the best I can do.

Cake Bites (makes about 40)

All versions will need:

130g dairy free spread/margarine

120g sugar

110g golden syrup or honey

60g GF, DF cocoa powder

150 ml rice milk / dairy milk (for GF versions, remember liquid measurements are approximate. Always add liquid gradually, using less or more as you see fit)

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

GF version:

50g cornflour

100g brown rice flour

25g chickpea flour/quinoa flour/tapioca flour
¾ tsp xanthan gum

1½ tsp GF baking powder

Egg version / Egg free version

1 egg OR:

1 heaped tsp of Orgran no egg Egg Replacer

1 heaped tbsp ground linseeds

⅛ tsp xanthan gum (that’s half a ¼ if you’re as thick as me...)

2 tbsps vegetable oil

4 tbsps rice milk/dairy milk/

To make these with wheat flour:

Use 175g wholemeal, self-raising flour

To bind the cake balls:

3-4 tbsps gluten free apple sauce (a GF apple sauce for weaning babies would do)

(If you can’t find a jar of apple sauce, use 2 eating apples, 2-3 tbsps sugar, squeeze of lemon juice. Peel, core, chop apples and put them in a saucepan, add sugar, lemon juice and a tbsp of water. Cover and simmer until apple is cooked. Blend with a hand blender, add a tsp of cornflour to bind it all together, blend again to remove any lumps)

To coat:

150-200g dark DF chocolate but couverture best

GF pretty decorations, like Carnival Sprinkelz or gold powder

About 12 Bamboo skewers/metal skewers for applying the chocolate (you’ll see)

• For egg free versions: mix the Orgran no egg powder, ground linseeds, xanthan gum, oil and rice milk together using a mini whisk. Set aside

• Grease and line two 18cm sandwich tins with baking parchment

• Pre-heat oven to 170˚celsius

• Put the fat and sugar into a large mixing bowl and beat together
• Add either the egg or the egg replacing mixture and beat again

• Add the flour (GF or wheat), baking powder, xanthan gum (GF versions) and cocoa powder to the bowl and beat until incorporated

• Mix the bicarbonate of soda with the warmed 150ml of rice milk/dairy milk and gradually stir in to the mixture. For GF versions you may need to add more milk to get a soft, dropping consistency

• Divide the mixture evenly between the two cake tins and bake for about 20-25 minutes until risen and springy. Remove and leave to cool completely

• When the cakes are cool, crumble them into a large mixing bowl. Add the apple sauce and combine until you are able to squidge the mixture into balls, you may need more apple sauce

• Lovingly roll little balls of cake in your hands and set them onto a baking tray lined with baking parchment. Repeat until all the mixture is used up. Place the baking tray in the fridge for up to four hours

• When you are ready to coat your cake bites, place them in the freezer on the baking tray (for 20 minutes maximum). Then melt the chocolate or couverture over a very low heat in a bain marie. When it has just melted, turn off the heat

• Skewer one of the cake balls and holding it over the bain marie, use a spoon to drop the chocolate onto the ball. Rotate the ball until covered in chocolate. Keep rotating to allow excess chocolate to drip off. Then place the skewer into a jug/tall thing so that the cake bite is upright. If you have some oasis for flower arranging, put them in that, it works a treat. Put baking parchment over the work surface to catch any dripping chocolate. Decorate with pretty things if you wish

• Continue coating the cake bites. When you run out of skewers, use a fork to gently remove the first cake bite you covered and place it onto baking parchment to dry fully. Repeat until all the cake balls are coated and drying on the baking parchment. I do hope that makes sense. They can be chilled in the fridge to finish them off.

• These can be stored in an airtight container in the fridge for ages, at least a week

• You could even package these up and take them to a nearby Supermarket Man. I’m sure he’d thank you...
© Pig in the Kitchen All Rights Reserved

Iced Christmas Biscuits (Gluten free and/or vegan)

2010-12-10T22:13:00.000+01:00

Ever since Michael J Fox appeared diminutively on our screens in Back to the Future, I’ve been dubious about that whole time travel thing.

For example, imagine being transported back to Victorian times and then they discover you’re wearing a thong. That’s not going to end well is it?

Ms Pankhurst would be horrified that you are wearing a tool of male oppression* and you might make her do something drastic. Like not chain herself to railings and win us the vote. You see? Time travel is dangerous; it messes with the mind and has potentially catastrophic consequences.
*Note: anyone querying this description of a thong is either a) male, b) pert, toned and under 25, c) or has never tried wearing cheese wire between their buns.

Yet, despite my misgivings, we recently gave time travel a go.

A bit of background for you:

Husband and I met in a small town in north-eastern France many moons ago. It was a time of decadent, possibly illegal behaviour and many a regretful hangover. But it was lots of fun and like Humphrey and Ingrid ‘We’ll always have ~~Paris~~ / a small town in north-eastern France.'

So what on earth were we thinking going back there 15 years later with our 4 kids? Well, in our defence, we thought it would be good to show them this beautiful part of France.

What we hadn’t banked on were those blurry, wavy lines undulating through our vision transporting us back in time. Doo dooo dooo dooo dooo dooo dooo dooo...

‘Oh look! There’s our favourite pizza place!’, ‘Do you remember the time we drank too many Kir Royales/skiied down the road/slept in the car on the mountain?’

But the wavy lines faded and we found ourselves making constant comparisons to the crazy, loved-up couple we were and the crazed, middle-aged, occasionally-in-love couple we are now. It was very unsettling.

During our visit we went back to the gorgeous town of Riquewihr. My pre-children memories of this place involve mulled wine, gazing at the prettiness and well I think that’s about it. I wasn’t sure how a post-children trip would go.We wandered around, had some lunch and then because the kids were nagging, took the tourist train.

What fun! We would never have done that 15 years ago!

We trundled out of the town waving at onlookers (eldest daughter dying of shame), up into the vineyards and beheld the beauty of Riquewihr from on high. Then came back down and went to visit the prison and the torture chamber. The kids were entranced, although one of those torture implements made me feel a little queasy.

As we left there was just enough time to race into a wine cellar, déguste for a bit and then fill the car with yummy Alsace wine. We wouldn’t have done that 15 years ago; we were too young and our palates were definitely too crass.

Our four day trip was thought-provoking. On the one hand; four amazing children that we didn’t have back then. On the other; we are no longer young, carefree and reckless.

Ugh! The pain of middle-age.

Anyway, in Riquewihr we went into this cool gingerbread shop selling all manner of gingerbread things. I bought a mould for a gingerbread house and a sachet of pain d’épices spice.

I wish I could say I have made you a gluten free, egg free, dairy free gingerbread house. But I tried (twice), it collapsed, I cried and let’s say no more about it.

But what I have made for you are iced, spiced Christmas biscuits! So, actually, that short trip back in time was worth it after all.

Iced Christmas Biscuits

As I type this I am tucking into some 3 day old Iced Christmas Biscuits and dipping them into my mulled wine. It's shocking, decadent behaviour but hey, it's Friday night and after the snowbound week I've had (how many kids? All at home for days on end?) I feel entitled. And they are yum by the way, even when stale. Result.

(The snowmen freak me out a bit)

To date I've only made these gluten free, egg free and dairy free not all my usual combinations. But if you want to use real eggs, replace the apple sauce and pinch of xanthan gum with 2 real eggs. You may have to gradually add extra flour at the end if the mixture is too wet to roll out.

175g dairy free margarine
200g sugar
90g apple sauce (I used one of those purees for babies)
A pinch of xanthan gum
1 tsp vanilla extract (not essential)
400g Doves Farm Gluten Free plain white flour
3-4 tsps pain d'epice spice from Riquewihr OR:
3-4 tsps mixed spice Or:
a mix of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, ground star anis (does that exist? Mulled wine is taking its toll...)
Rice milk to moisten dough if necessary
Extra GF flour for rolling out

For the icing:
300g icing sugar (approximately, more may be needed)
Food colouring of your choice (use paste colourings instead of liquid, much better. Here's a site)
Lemon juice to mix
Piping bags and smooth piping nozzle (I mean one that isn't crinkly at the end, but can't find the right words. Will try again when the wine has worn off)

Feeling a bit squiffy now, (damn you mulled wine) but shquinting owlisshly at the screen and conshentrating very hard, so let's hope I don't make any mistakes
Line some baking trays with baking parchment and pre-heat the oven to 170˚ degrees celsius
Put the margarine and sugar into a large mixing bowl and cream together
Add the apple sauce and the pinch of xanthan gum (or two eggs if you wish) and vanilla extract and mix to combine
Add the flour and spices and mix again. If the dough seems too dry add rice milk gradually until you have a soft, workable dough. If using eggs, you might want to add a bit more flour
Break off a good chunk of the dough and roll it out to a thickness of 2-3mm
Cut out pretty festive shapes and place them onto your lined baking trays
Repeat until you've used up all the dough and are getting really fed up of these damned Christmas biscuits
Bake in the oven for about 10-12 minutes, you can get them out when they're a bit soft. They don't really go brown, so don't leave them in there too long
Remove from oven and cool and then to the icing
Seive the icing sugar into as many bowls as you want colours. Does that make sense? If you want 3 colours, use 3 bowls and split the icing sugar between them. (That made more sense didn't it?)
Add a scrape of food colouring paste and a squirt of lemon juice and then watch in alarm as you mix it all together and that tiny scrape of colouring paste turns your icing a violent shade of whatever colour you added. (Moral: go easy on the colouring paste)
You are aiming for a very thick icing that you can pipe, but not one that is so thick that it is grainy. Smooth is what we want. Add more icing sugar if need be - or more lemon - and keep alternating until you've got the right consistency
Pipe prettiness onto your biscuits and leave it to set. Decorate with GF, EF, DF goodies (These are good)
Serve to your happy children and pour yourshelf a good glassh of mulled wine. You desherve it

(Warning: small children may steal these biscuits before the end of your photo shoot)

Mincemeat for allergy sufferers (gluten free and/or vegan)

2010-12-06T14:32:00.000+01:00

We live in worrying times.

Wikileaks has it that the Saudis want the Americans to bomb the Iranians.

And that Berlusconi is sex mad.

And that Sarkozy is short.

Or maybe it was something else about Sarko. (I’m sure it’s not important.) But that bit about Iran is worrying isn't it?

I’m afraid I can do little to alleviate the worry and worse, I have to add to it. Because I am duty-bound to use the C and the F word.

Ready?

Christmas and the ‘Festive season’ are only 2 weeks away.

You still ok? Hyperventilating is a normal response to this time of year, so don’t be embarrassed.

Now, hopefully, you took my advice and made your cake in October. And according to my mother-in-law, you could even ice it now.

But that would be way too organised for me, I shall be icing mine at about 1am on Christmas morning. That’s so that I can wake up sleep-deprived and snarling when my poppets trip in at 5am with their stockings. Why change the habit of a lifetime just because it’s Christmas?

Anyway, this cheering little missive is to remind you to make your mincemeat. There’s nothing like a good, alcoholic mincemeat to soothe away the worries of the festive season.

And you DO, still have time. We should of course have made it about a month ago, but the healing power of Brandy and Cointreau solves that particular problem. If you make it in the next few days and then make your mince pies just before Dec 25th, it will all be fine. (Good luck.)

And actually, I do have a little something to cheer you up. Take a look at this inelegant, giant dancing egg yolk. It makes me giggle every time.

Mincemeat
I got carried away this year and made this new recipe for mincemeat, completely forgetting that I already had one on here. But now you have choice, that's always good isn't it?! Making mincemeat sounds horribly super yummymummy doesn't it? It's actually very therapeutic and well, essential, if you want to be sure it's free from allergy nasties. Go on, give it a whirl, it's much better than the stuff you buy!

2 clementines,
2 tbsps orange juice
2-3 tbsps Cointreau (or more depending on your stress levels)
2 large eating apples, grated
200g dried cranberries
250g golden sultanas
250g raisins
450g dark muscovado
3 tsps pain d’épice spice/mixed spice/cinnamon/nutmeg
Add a grating of nutmeg for good measure
100ml brandy
2 tbsps black treacle (optional)

Halve the clementines, remove any pips, then blend in blender with 2 tbsps of orange juice. Place in a large mixing bowl
Add the Cointreau to the Clementine mix and stir
Grate the apple and add to the clementines, stir
Add the sultanas, cranberries and raisins and stir
Add all the remaining ingredients and mix well to combine
Leave in a cool, dark place so it can do its alcohol-y absorbing thang for about 2 days (I think given our proximity to Christmas, we can just spoon it straight into the jars...)
Wash and dry your storage jars (I only use Bonne Maman jam jars, gorgeous!) and place them in a warmed oven for, oh I dunno, 15 minutes?
Remove from oven and fill with your lovely mincemeat. Turn them upside down for a day and then store them in a cool, dark place (right side up)
Put to one side until the time comes for you to make your mince pies
Be thankful that you are not Ann Widdecombe

Chocolate & Clementine Brownies (gluten free and/or vegan)

2010-11-26T13:38:00.000+01:00

There are some days when if a youf in a hoodie pulled a gun on me in the street I would cry out in relief and say ‘Yes! Do it quick!’

Do you have days like that? When you wake up in the morning with a dark, black cloud where your brain should be?
Rubbish, isn’t it?

Last week I had one of those days. I was supposed to be up and at ‘em, giving my latest assignment hell (I’m doing a journalism course), biking in the forest with my dog and generally being pro-active, positive and perfect.

Hmm, yes.

I just about managed to walk the dog. And the waves of gloom coming off me must have been extremely repellent because even the dog ran away. Although that might have been something to do with the bunny she saw and that killer hunting-dog thing she’s got going on.

As I waited for her to come back I pondered my melancholy mood.

I suspect it is a mini mid-life crisis, of the kind that many women experience. The children are getting older. I’m not getting any younger. Why did I do a degree when all I do is the washing? What can I do to earn money and still be at the school gate at 4pm without selling my (sagging) body for illegal purposes?

And you’ll be pleased to know I came up with a solution.

Cake.

Thick, chocolatey, gooey, squidgy, comforting cake.

That, I thought, will solve all my problems.

So I came home, made it, photographed it and ate it.

I can confirm that it did not solve all my problems, but it was bloody gorgeous.

So if your mood is in need of a lift, I urge you to make these brownies today.

Anyway, can’t stop, just digging out my Agent Provacateur lingerie. Maybe selling my body isn’t such a bad idea after all? Hours to suit and all that...

Chocolate & Clementine Brownies

Well it turns out that it was either a very short-lived mid-life crisis, or bad PMS. Why do I always forget about PMS? Feeling much better now and I have PMS to thank for this lovely recipe :-)

All Versions:
250g DF, GF dark chocolate
150g dairy free margarine (or butter/other margarine)
250g sugar
60ml golden syrup
4 clementines
1-3 tbsps orange juice
½ tsp bicarbonate of soda
4-7 tbsps rice milk (or other milk)

Egg free, Dairy Free, Gluten free version:
The 7 ingredients for ‘all versions’ (see above) plus:
3 heaped tsps egg replacer (I used Orgran ‘no egg’)
2 tbsps ground linseeds
¼ tsp xanthan gum
6 tbsps sunflower oil
7-9 tbsps rice milk
140g rice flour
40g sorghum flour
(Or you can use 180g Doves Farm GF plain flour and omit xanthan gum below)
½ tsp xanthan gum

Gluten free with eggs

The 7 ingredients for ‘all versions’ (see above) plus:
Use 3 eggs
140g rice flour
40g sorghum flour
(Or you can use 180g Doves Farm GF plain flour and omit xanthan gum below)
½ tsp xanthan gum

Egg free with wheat flour :
See ingredients for the Egg free, dairy free, gluten free version and replace the 180g of flour with 180g of wheat flour and omit the ½ tsp xanthan gum

Method:

Heat the oven to 170˚ Celsius
Grease and line a 31x18 cm brownie tin with baking parchment
Cut the clementines into quarters – don’t remove the peel - remove any pips and blend in a blender until smooth. Add the orange juice if needed to make a thick paste (but the blender should still be able to turn it, no turgid movements please)
If using an egg free version, mix the egg replacer, ground linseeds, xanthan gum, oil and rice milk in a small bowl using a mini whisk. If it’s very thick, add a bit more rice milk, you want a good, bulky consistency, not too sloppy
For all versions place the dark chocolate, margarine/butter and syrup into a saucepan and heat over a low heat until melted. Add the sugar and stir
If using eggs, beat them in a small bowl and add them to the chocolate-filled saucepan, stir. Or, add the egg replacing mix to the chocolate-filled saucepan and stir
Add the bicarbonate of soda to the Clementine mix, stir and then add to the saucepan. Stir to combine. Inhale the vibe of chocolate and Clementine, oh yeh, sista’
Add the flour and xanthan gum/wheat flour and stir to combine. Add enough rice milk / other milk until you have a thick, glossy mix which will drop languidly from your wooden spoon. Ooo, I went all poetic then
Scrape the mix into the brownie tin, level off a bit and put into the oven. Brownies are a curious beast, they don’t need too long, they don’t need too short, so watch them carefully. When the mix has risen and is firm, but still a bit gooey in the middle, then remove them. They should go a bit waxy on the top, but I’ve never really got mine waxalicious; they always seem a bit inferior to the brownies of our Atlantic cousins
Leave the brownies to cool and then – golden rule coming up – place them in the fridge before you slice them
Slice them up and then get ‘em down you. Feel your worries ooze away
Place your online order for Agent Provocateur lingerie. Use it to your best advantage

Mushroom Soup for Sleepovers (gluten free and/or vegan)

2010-11-12T06:52:00.001+01:00

Teenage sleepovers always perplexed me because the rules were never really clear. Should we be smoking like Rizzo in Grease? Or being all virginal like Sandy and singing plaintively on the veranda? Was raucous laughter acceptable and what if I wet the bed? (Joke). I don’t remember enjoying myself that much because I thought that if we didn’t laugh hysterically enough, or look cool enough, (like on TV) we weren’t quite doing it right.

I went for another sleepover recently. Kathie and I escaped to Normandy for the weekend because our husbands were either quaffing beer in Munich or camping in England in late (rainy) September. I know. The beer bit I get, but camping? In England? In the rain? All wrong.

The first night we committed the schoolgirl error of weekends with friends; we went in too hard and fast with the alcohol and excited chat and woke up feeling a little delicate the next day. But the second night, with the kids in bed, it all flowed. A bit of wine, a bit of mushroom soup and then we watched Gavin and Stacey and painted our toe nails. We may have had some chocolate and Kathie definitely refilled her wine (I was being restrained for once).

It turns out there isn’t a rulebook for sleepovers after all. The only ingredients you need are girls, food and feeling at ease in each other’s company. Maybe that’s why sleepovers work so much better in middle age rather than teenage? There’s none of that angst and competitiveness and you can treat yourself to Chanel nail varnish.

So hurrah for middle-aged sleepovers and hurrah for Kathie because she brought this mushroom soup with her! So very simple and deliciously mushroomy. It is the perfect sleepover meal.

Mushroom Soup (serves at least 4)
In these days of lashing rain, blustery wind and mushroom abundance, this soup is bang on trend. It is probably your duty to make some today. Measurements are approximate, reduce or increase as you wish. The oyster mushrooms and chestnut mushrooms are a luxury, you can just use button mush if you prefer (just don't tell Kathie...)

400g button mushrooms
50g oyster mushrooms
100g chestnut mushrooms
1 clove of garlic
1 medium potato
olive oil to fry
2 gluten free, vegan stock cubes
1 litre of water (you may need to add more or less)
Salt and black pepper to taste
Green leaf to garnish

Roughly chop all the mushrooms, the garlic and the potato and place into a large saucepan. Add a dash of olive oil and heat the pan until the mushrooms are sizzling and juicy
Add enough water to cover the ingredients, this might be more or less than 1 litre
Crumble in the stock cubes and stir. Is 2 cubes too many do you think? You can just add one if you prefer, but I do abhor a flavourless soup *shudders*
Cover the pan and leave to simmer for about 20 minutes or until the potato is cooked
Use a hand blender to blitz until it is smooth
Season to taste with salt and black pepper
You could serve with Archimedes' GF rolls or Swan Lake GF loaf, or add a spoonful of basmati rice (I love rice in soup)
Now quick! Take your soup to the lounge, Gavin and Stacey is just starting...