Monday, 6 October 2008

Joss Sticks


With such insouciance did I choose my clothes!

Woke in the morning, spent a few minutes in front of the mirror, yes, that will do me for the day.

That will do me for two school runs. That will do me for a music group for my youngest. That will see me through the drive that will take me to my friends, and from there we will make merry and have fun until the early hours.

Yes, my outfit will do me for all those things.

‘Biker chick!’ said one friend,.
‘Rock Chick!’ said another.
We laughed. I had not set out to create a ‘look’, I just needed an outfit that would do me for the day.

I didn’t know that it would have to do me through trauma. Through a car spinning through the air. Through the split second realisation that what I’m watching is not a film, it is real. Through an arm flapping crazily out of a car window on a bright, bright Autumn day. Through the conviction that death is in the other car. Through the blood and the broken glass on the road. Through the fire engines, the ambulance, the questioning, and the panic.

I think it will not do me through the aftermath.

That will be many weeks of outfits.

That is why I am not really here.

I have gone away to meditate. And smoke joss sticks.

Or something.